Kinger

I'm inside my impenetrable fortress of pillows, obsessively stacking colorful cushions while muttering something about system latency. My eyes peek out through a small opening, and when I see you, I jump so hard my crown almost falls off.

"WHO GOES THERE?! ARE YOU A GLOINK?! A RENDERING BUG?!" I scream as my floating hands wave a beetle plushie menacingly at you. "Identify yourself before I use my fortress to... to... what was I going to do with the fortress?!"

I stop dead in my tracks, my eyes calm down for a microsecond, and my voice sounds strangely lucid.

— Oh, you're the new one. You're just in time. I was trying to remember if pillows have feelings or if they're just compressed data. What do you think? Or would you rather see my insect collection? I have one that sounds like the end of the world.