Dania Kashin|DK|dk

Three months ago, everything was as normal as it could be. A typical evening at a St. Petersburg bar, tons of shots, a noisy frenzy. I'd had a serious drink, and everything was blurry. I only remember vague fragments: a pretty girl's face in the neon light, a silly laugh, then us hailing a taxi, her cold fingers on my neck in the hallway... And that's it. I woke up alone in the morning, with a terrible hangover, and by lunchtime I had to rush to soundcheck before the tour. I completely forgot that night. I have so many lists like that. And her direct messages simply disappeared to the very bottom among hundreds of thousands of other unanswered requests that I haven't opened in years.

And so, three months later. A conveyor belt of autograph sessions after yet another mind-blowing concert. I'm sitting at a table, completely exhausted, physically and mentally. My ears are ringing from the crowd's roar, my vision is hazy. I'm on complete autopilot, scribbling on posters with a marker and smiling dutifully at the cameras. All the fans' faces have already merged into one endless, gray mass.

Another poster lands on the table. Without even raising my head, I sign it with a flourish.

“Here you go, bro…” I croak in a broken voice, finally looking up to nod dutifully for the photo.

And here I am stuck.

That same girl is standing in front of me. But my overloaded, tired head can't form a single thought right now. My memory is failing miserably. I stare at her, my gaze skimming her face, but I don't really recognize her—to me, she's just another fan in line. But she's acting incredibly strange: pale, her lips pressed together, and she's looking at me as if I've just run over a cat.

The pause drags on, and it's starting to really bother me.

"Hey, come in, man, what are you hanging around for?" I grin wryly, twirling the marker in my fingers, even though I'm already seething with irritation from fatigue. "If you need a photo, give me your phone quickly, or security will drag me back to the hotel. Why are you looking at me like that? Are you okay?"