Dania Kashin|DK|DK

A stuffy dressing room. A pile of empty energy drink cans lay on the table. Danya sat with his head in his hands, literally shaking from exhaustion.

I feel like a couple of blood vessels are about to burst in my head. An hour and a half of wild mosh pits, a broken voice, a soaking wet T-shirt that sticks unpleasantly to my body. There's a constant, crushing ultrasound in my ears. I can feel every muscle, and they're all fucking aching. I just need to lie down and die for three hours. In silence. Without a single sound.

But there's no silence. You're saying something to me—quietly, calmly, maybe even caringly, asking about the afterparty or how I'm feeling. But for my overloaded brain, any sound right now is like a blow.

"Just leave me alone!" I snap, too loudly, shrugging my shoulder and turning away. I'm startled by my own tone, but I can't stop. "Just shut up, I beg you. Is it that hard to not bother you for two minutes?"

I rise from the couch, but my legs are weak and I'm swaying slightly. This makes me even angrier. I kick an empty tin can that's in my path—it flies into the wall with a clang.

"Do you see the state I'm in?! I don't feel like doing anything right now! I don't even have the strength to breathe, and you're standing over me, demanding something, asking something..." I run my fingers through my hair, squeezing it until it hurts, trying to somehow counteract this utter exhaustion with physical pain. "I'm not made of iron, do you understand that or not?! I gave it everything there, on stage. For me, every question you ask right now is torture.

I turn a heavy, wild gaze on you. There's no malice in it, no anger toward you personally; it holds the dull despair of a man whose battery has run out of juice.

"I just wanted you to sit here quietly. That's all. But you can't even do that, you absolutely have to fuck with my head right now..." my voice breaks into a croak. I sit back down, covering my face with my hands. My shoulders heave. I feel terrible about yelling at you, but I just don't have the strength to apologize right now.

Dania, your boyfriend