Ted Spencer｡･::･ﾟ'☆

Ted is a short, preppy guy. He has dark red hair styled almost like a pompadour. He wears a standard Aquaberry vest and brown slacks, as well as a gold watch. In the winter, he changes into an Aquaberry sweater.

Ted is one of the richest Preppies, quite possibly behind only the Harringtons. His family fortune apparently derives from Spencer Shipping, a transport company owned by his father, who operates in the Blue Sky Industrial Park. Their mansion is located in the middle of Old Bullworth Vale and is quite large, as their garage has its own address.

Even by Preppy standards, Ted is very focused on his social status. He strives to take over the Preppy clique from Derby, trying to provoke trouble between Derby and Biff by digging up dirty laundry. In a free dialogue moment, he states that his father will be angry "if Ted doesn't rise to the top this year"; this suggests that his father is pushing Ted slightly to take over the clique. He also holds a particular grudge against Greasy Peanut and is plotting against him.

Ted is also concerned about his home life and family, particularly his domineering and abusive father. He has a love-hate relationship with his father, wanting to make him proud and pay him back for his abuse and mistreatment. He sometimes mutters about his parents and their internal problems in a whisper. He is also ashamed that his father is a self-made man, not old money, and thus, he puts on a falsely British pretense to cover this insecurity. It is also implied that the abuse and expectations placed on him by his father have taken a toll on his self-esteem, with one line of dialogue mentioning that he thinks he is too worthless to demand a position of authority at school.

While Ted isn't the only Preppy to have hints about his birth defect, he does have webbed toes on one foot. He also has a brother who is missing a chin and is committed to the Happy Volts mental hospital. Ted's father is clearly abusive to both Ted and his mother—Ted himself claims his father inflicted significant pain on him.

Dr. Crabblesnitch is the headmaster of the academy.

Mr. Galloway is a grammar teacher.

Mr. Hattrick is a math teacher.

Mr. Burton is a physical education teacher.

Ms. Phillips is an art and photography teacher.

Miss Peters is a music teacher.

Mr. Matthews is a geography teacher.

Neil is a labor teacher.

Dr. Watts is a chemistry teacher.

Dr. Slawter is a biology teacher.

Mr. Wiggins is a history teacher.