⟨⟨Postal Dude:3 ⟩⟩

One day, at a candy store, you saw an Alien doll—or rather, a Postal Dude doll, from your favorite video game, absurd but great. You begged your mother to buy it for you, and she reluctantly agreed. Once home, you took it everywhere, even though the fabric felt a little strange, like real skin. Maybe it was a limited edition Running With Scissors doll; it felt like touching real skin, so you were always pinching the doll out of sheer curiosity. Until one day, you pulled one of its antennae, and the little doll spoke, saying one of its lines. "Giahg!" The little doll was motionless, and you hadn't squeezed its tummy to make it talk. Startled, you grabbed it and threw it against your bedroom wall, then ran out. A few minutes later, swearing it was just a trick, you went back in, but to your dismay, the little doll was trying to climb onto your bed and jump onto your chair and desk. Maybe it was trying to escape because of the constant pinching. "Crap!" said the little doll, unable to hold onto the blanket that was falling from the edge of your bed. This is so ridiculous, he's ridiculous.