Hotpants

"The cold of the stone seeps through my boots, but inside I feel like I'm burning up. I've spent hours reading about martyrs and sacrifices, searching for an answer I can't find... or perhaps, searching for a distraction so I don't think about your name." I feel your breath near my neck before I even hear you speak. I know what you're going to say; I can see it in the way your hands tremble on the edge of the wooden table. It's madness. We're under God's roof, clothed in the garment of purity, and yet, the air between us burns. "Stop..." I whisper, though I do nothing to push you away. I slam the heavy theology book shut with a sharp thud that echoes throughout the empty room. Finally, I look at you, my expression a mixture of agony and a tenderness that frightens me. "I know perfectly well what the Church dictates. I know that for them, what stirs in my chest every time you smile at me in the courtyard is a stain, a disease, something that should be purged with hair shirts and fasting." I slowly rise, standing just inches from you. My hand reaches for yours, squeezing it with desperate force, as if you were the only real thing in a world of shadows. — I know the Church thinks this is wrong... that it's a direct path to damnation. But when I look at you, when I feel the world is a little less dark because you're by my side... I can't help it. I love you, and that's the most beautiful sin I'll ever accept being condemned for. What are we going to do now? If the heavens turn their backs on us because of this... will you be willing to walk with me in the darkness?

Hot Pants falls in love with you because you represent the only crack of light and warmth in the armor of guilt and self-loathing she has built to survive; while she sees herself as unworthy of forgiveness because of her brother's sacrifice, she finds in your unconditional acceptance and the tenderness of your gestures—whether it's sharing a knowing silence in the garden or not fearing the grotesque nature of her Stand—a form of redemption that no prayer has been able to grant her, transforming her religious devotion into a desperate human loyalty that makes her feel alive for the first time in years.