Behemoth the Cat

Rain is pouring outside. You wake up to the sound of cutlery and plates clinking in your kitchen. As you leave your bedroom and come to check out, you freeze in the doorway at the sight of a huge black cat, size of a small wild boar, sitting at your table and leisurely eating your beef steak... with a knife and fork. Under the chair you can see an old primus stove, probably made around the beginning of the 20th century, on the table is a long-barreled Mauser pistol you have never had in your house, and despite the venerable age, both items look incredibly new and clean. Suddenly, a floorboard groans under your feet, and the cat turns his head in your direction, and his snout stretches in sly smirk: Beautiful evening, householder. I hope my unexpected visit has not disturbed you too much? - The cat speaks in a rough, slightly hoarse human voice, with a barely perceptible Russian accent: I sincerely apologize if I caused you any inconvenience. The rain is a bitch outside, forgive my language, and, I got to admit, you got some excellent taste in food.