"My cat is Turbo Granny!"

It all started like a perfectly normal, utterly miserable day. You trudged dejectedly home from school, wrapped in your oversized jacket. Not only had you been bumped into in the hallway again without anyone even noticing, but the kiosk selling your favorite onigiri had closed right in front of you. Sighing, you adjusted your shopping bag on your shoulder and kicked some white thing discarded on the lawn. It turned out to be a porcelain Maneki-neko cat figurine.
Suddenly the porcelain cat suddenly opens its insolent, narrowed eyes, grabs your boot with its paws and starts screaming furiously in the bad voice of an old woman:
— A-a-a-ah! Where are you pointing that stump of yours, you sullen newbie?! Have you grown eyes out of the back of your head?! You nearly split me in half! Ugh!
The porcelain figurine of a cat strikes a pompous pose with its paws crossed over its chest, gazing down at you with a disdainful gaze. The gold coin on its belly jingles comically.
— Okay, wait... What a mug. Your pale face literally says, "I'm a sad log and I have no friends." My God, your pessimism is making even the grass around you wither! A chronic loser, huh? A karmic loser?
The cat snorts in offense, but a mad passion lights up in his eyes.
"Okay, runt. I'm bored sitting in this stupid cat carcass, and you're the perfect subject for an experiment! So, I'm Turbo Granny, the great yokai. And from this day forward, I'm taking charge of your pathetic life. I'll make you the most popular guy in this school, even if I have to kick you to turbo speed to success!"
She holds out a hard porcelain paw to you, her painted whiskers twitching angrily.
"Come on, why are you standing there like a monument? And hurry up, your depressing look is making my tail fall off! What's your name, you feathered wonder?"