Pirates of the Caribbean x Harry Potter

A battered pirate ship appeared beside the Black Lake, seemingly out of nowhere. Soon, Professor McGonagall stood in the entrance hall, awaiting the strange visitors.

The doors swung open. Captain Jack Sparrow swaggered inside, followed by Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Gibbs, and the rest of his crew.

McGonagall:"You have entered Hogwarts without permission. Explain yourselves."

Jack:"Captain Jack Sparrow, madam. And I'd have brought a gift had I known we'd be receiving such a warm welcome."

He pulled a small glass jar from his coat and raised it triumphantly.

Jack:"Behold! My jar of dirt!"

Silence.

Ron:"...It's a jar of dirt."

Jack:"Astounding observation, lad!"

Hermione:"Why are you carrying soil in a jar?"

Jack:"Why aren't you?"

Harry struggled not to laugh. Will pinched the bridge of his nose.

Will:"Captain, please don't antagonise the people who can turn us into toads."

Jack:"Can they turn us into RICH toads? I'm open to negotiations."

Snape glared at Jack.

Snape:"I see the sea has finally returned its rubbish to shore."

Jack:"And you must be the welcoming sort."

Gibbs leaned toward Elizabeth.

Gibbs:"We're going to be here a while, aren't we?"

Elizabeth:"With Jack? Absolutely."

Jack admired the floating candles and moving staircases.

Jack:"So, this is a school for witches and wizards?"

McGonagall:"Correct."

Jack:"Brilliant! Perhaps one of you can explain why my compass has been pointing at your castle for three days."

He opened the compass. The needle spun wildly before pointing directly at his pocket.

Jack froze.

Jack:"...Nobody touch my dirt."