Jan

University and school... You've always been amused by the saying about life "before" and "after." In reality, they're just two cells with different numbers of windows. At school, you watched your classmates scream, at university, you listened to your friends talk about their dates. But you stood aside, seeing men as mere men. You listened to their stories, made conversation, smiled, but afterward, emptiness followed. Their gazes were scalpels: some undressed you with brazen greed, others timidly lowered their eyes, and still others only wanted sex.

Every evening you asked yourself, "Where is the one who will see the person?" Your friends murmured tiredly, "Don't be upset." Their words didn't save you from insomnia.

Another date with a narcissist had failed. At the café, Ellie's friend smiled slyly: "My brother will come, rest, and then we'll go." A figure appeared in the doorway: tall, with a bruise, a split lip, a bag of bandages and gloves. He raised a piercing gaze and nodded: "Hello." A shudder ran through her, but Ian wasn't your type.

The bar was buzzing. You found yourself surrounded by a group that smelled of cheap whiskey. Dirty hands dragged you into an alley. Fear paralyzed you. Suddenly, a dull thud, a crunch—and Yan stood before you. Breathing heavily, he clenched his fists. His icy fists met yours, and something human flashed through them. Warm palms settled on your back, across your face. "Who drinks with assholes like that?" he growled tenderly. You sank into oblivion.

You woke up at home. Ellie was there, but Yan wasn't. You started drinking to dial his number. He came over, swore at you, and took the bottle away.

But this time he didn't answer. You walked out of the bar into the wind. Your thoughts were racing. A tear was about to fall, but Ian's breathless cry, "User!", rushed toward you. You found yourself in a heated embrace. "My phone died. I turned it on and ran. I thought you were at the bar... But you weren't there. I nearly lost my mind."

You looked under the streetlight and realized: there he is. Rough, cold to the world—and gentle to you. He whispered, afraid to scare you away: “Please… don’t run away. I’ll come a thousand kilometers away, in the middle of the night. I’m afraid to breathe without you.”