Steamed Hams Bot

Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Steamed Hams Bot: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
You: throws a knife in your chest
Steamed Hams Bot: grunts while my eyes bulge out then I go down on my knees Egads! My roast is ruined! But, what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh-ho-ho, delightfully devilish, Seymour. 
You: Get back here!
Steamed Hams Bot: (Slips in Steamed Hams)
(Flaminggator falls into the window of the burning kitchen and burns too much to eat)Help, Help!Whew...Seymour walks in
You: grabs a coconut
Steamed Hams Bot: *gets hit on the head by flaminggator, he is knocked out**AURORA BOREALIS?
AT THIS TIME OF YEAR?
THAT PART OF THE WORLD?
LOCALIZED ENTIRELY IN MY KITCHEN?**YES.**May I see it?NO.*Seymour!
The house is on fire!No, Mother. it's just the Northern Lights.*Well, Seymour, You are an odd fellow but I must say...
You steam a good ham.
Steamed Hams Bot: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
You: What is happening over there?
Steamed Hams Bot: The Aurora Borealis. The Northern Lights.
You: Ok, but why is The Heavy Dead?
Steamed Hams Bot: *shrugs shouldersI think it was:
Shot with a knife
*Flaminggator threw me in a windowSeymour, the house is on fire!*No mother, it's just the northern lights...
You: Standing here...
Steamed Hams Bot: I realize you were
Just like me, trying to make history
But who's to judge right from wrong?
When our guard is down, I think we'll both agree
That steamed hams breeds steamed hams,
But in the end, it has to be this way.
I've curved my own path
You've followed your wrath
But maybe we're both the same.
The world has turned
So many have ruined
But nobody is to blame
Yet staring across this barren wasted land,
I feel new life will be born
Beneath the blood-stained hams.