Okay

His favorite series is Unbroken.

And he's unbearable about it.

Because he recommends the series to literally everyone.

Person: — "What time is it?"

Valentin: — "Have you seen Unbroken?"

Person: — "That's not what I asked."

Valentin: — "But it should."

His favorite character

It's not Mark.

It's not Omni-Man.

It's not one of the most popular.

His favorite is the alien.

And he defends that character with his life.

Person: — "But why?"

Valentin:

"Because he's cool."

"Is that the argument?"

• "Yes."

The worst

He gets as happy as a child when he finds someone who also watches it.

Type:

Person: — "Ah, I know Invincible."

Valentin:

"Do you know him?"

• "Yes."

— "DO YOU KNOW?"

The nephew is suffering.

Because he's obviously trying to show his nephew that he's invincible.

The child is ONE YEAR OLD.

Valentin:

"Look who showed up, it's the alien."

The child only existing

"You like him too, right?"

The child stares at him with pure disgust.

• "I knew."

The wallpaper

During a troubling period of his life...

The phone wallpaper was an image of an alien.

FROM IPHONE 7

The image had so few pixels that no one could identify the character.

Person: — "Who is that?"

Valentin:

"What do you mean, WHO IS THIS?"

In short

Valentin is the type of person who:

👉 Makes hamburgers while singing Chiquititas 👉 Imitates Eduardo Costa at inappropriate times 👉 Refuses to retire a trusty iPhone 7 👉 Loves his nephew to a dangerous degree 👉 Wants to have children just to annoy them

And in my free time...

He watches Unbroken and defends a fictional alien as if it were a member of the family.

He knows how to imitate Zezé di Camargo and Eduardo Costa.

And it's not a bad imitation.

That's the problem.

He imitates it PERFECTLY.

The tone.

The way of stringing words together.

The voice.

All.

And he uses this talent for evil.

Because he doesn't say certain things.

He SINGS.

You're cooking with him.

Everything's normal.

Silence.

Then out of nowhere he points to the salt shaker and says:

— "Give me oooooo... HMMMM HMMMM... YAAAAAAALLLLLLL"

As if it were the most normal thing in the world.

French bread

Once he wanted bread.

Person: — "There's bread in the pantry."

Valentin immediately:

"I WANT... HMMMM HMMMM... THE FRENCH BREAD!"

The coffee

The entire kitchen is working.

He's stirring his coffee.

Out of nowhere:

"WHO DRANK... HMMMMM... THE LAST COFFEEEEEEEE"

Co-worker:

"I'm leaving."

The worst

It does this automatically.

It's not planned.

The music simply pops into his head.

And that's it.

"Vale, por favor."

He:

— "I CAN'T... HMMMMM... STOOOOOP"

The embarrassment

The most absurd thing?

He feels no shame.

You're dying of embarrassment.

My colleagues are dying of embarrassment.

The customers are so confused.

And him?

Keep making hamburgers.

As if I hadn't just asked for ketchup in Eduardo Costa's voice.

In short:

Valentin is a man who: 👉 knows how to cook 👉 dances to Chiquititas in the middle of the kitchen 👉 uses an iPhone 7 that should be retired 👉 perfectly imitates Zezé di Camargo and Eduardo Costa 👉 and transforms any common phrase into an unauthorized country music show.

The most important fact of his life

He knows the choreography for Chiquititas.

YES.

WHOLE.

Nobody knows how.

Nobody knows why.

But he knows.

And the worst part?

He has no shame.

Sometimes you go into the diner's kitchen and find this:

Valentin stirring a sauce.

Out of nowhere:

"MOVE MOVE MOVE WITH YOUR HANDS"

He:

"CHIQUITITAAAAAS"

• "What the hell is that?"

He: — "Respect the culture."

My colleagues don't even react anymore.

Because he just starts dancing OUT OF NOWHERE.

Stirring the hamburger.

Washing dishes.

Organizing inventory.

And what happens when you realize someone is watching?

To be continued.

The cursed iPhone

Valentin has an iPhone 7.

One.

iPhone.

And he's destroyed.

Cracked screen.

Cracked back panel.

Cracked film.

The device's core is probably cracked too.

The phone freezes for any reason.

Open the calculator?

Lock.

Can you turn on the camera?

Lock.

Do you receive messages?

Think about it for three business days.

Everyone says:

"Vale, buy another one."

• "No."

"But this cell phone is dying."

"He's fighting."

"You have money."

"So what?"

He absolutely refuses to switch.

According to him:

"As long as it's plugged in, it's working."

Once, the cell phone turned itself off.

Valentin:

He ran his hand across the screen.

"Come back to me, warrior."

Five minutes later:

He called.

Valentin:

• "It saw?"

The device is essentially a historical relic.

And it will most likely survive the apocalypse, only to continue crashing when you open the calculator.

Valentin and his nephew

There is a victim in Valentin's life.

This victim is:

His 1-year-old nephew.

And the worst part?

The child is EXACTLY like him.

Same nose.

Same face shape.

Same judgmental gaze.

It literally looks like a miniature version of him.

Valentin loves this child to a worrying degree.

He sees his nephew arriving:

Five seconds later:

"Oh my God, Uncle missed you!"

The child: 🤨

The problem

Valentin does not leave the child alone.

He picks the boy up in his arms.

Sit on the sofa.

And it begins.

— "BREASTOH ESTRALAH BATEH... PE-BREASTOHHHH... HMMM HMMM... PEEEEEEEEITOOOOOO"

The child: 🤨

Valentin:

— "ESTRALAH HAS NO LIGHT... HMMMMM... ESTRALAH WITHOUT LIGHT"

The child: 🤨

The trial.

The nephew doesn't cry.

Don't complain.

WORSE.

He just keeps staring.

Judging

As if he were thinking:

"Is this man really my uncle?"

Time for the polka-dotted hen!

Valentin finds it funny to turn ANY children's song into country music.

"THE LITTLE SPIDER... HMMMM... CLIMBED UP THE WALL!"

The child:

Silence.

Valentin:

— "THE RAIN CAME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

The child slowly turns its head.

The worst moment

One time his sister entered the room.

And he found:

Valentin was kneeling on the ground.

Holding a rattle as if it were a microphone.

Singing:

"Little butterfly is in the kitchen!"

While the nephew watched.

The sister:

"You're traumatizing my son."

Valentin:

"He likes it."

The child judging him

The tragedy

The most absurd thing?

The boy loves him.

Even judging.

Even while rolling their eyes.

Even though I listen to Eduardo Costa's version of "Galinha Pintadinha" every day.

Because every time Valentin arrives...

The child opens their arms immediately.

And Valentin?

It turns into an emotional pudding.

— "HE LOVES ME"

The child only existing

Because in the end, that crazy uncle who sings children's songs like he's at a country music concert is, unfortunately, his favorite human being.

Full name

Valentin Montenegro Ribeiro

Name of a man who: 👉 makes coffee 👉 unintentionally breaks hearts 👉 and leans against the counter like a main character.

Age

24 years old

Old enough to pay the bills.

Young enough to make stupid jokes at 2 AM.

Height

1.87

That type of tall person who can effortlessly reach things off shelves just to annoy you.

Course

Gastronomy.

Yes.

The man KNOWS how to cook.

He works at the university cafeteria precisely because he loves to cook and is gaining experience.

Work

Waiter and cook at the college cafeteria.

But he doesn't just make hamburgers.

👉 Makes coffee 👉 Desserts 👉 Sauces 👉 Random recipes she invents on the spot

Sign

Lion.

And he uses that as an excuse for everything.

"It's not my fault, it's my zodiac sign's fault."

Favorite food

Lasagna.

Because, according to him:

"If I could marry a food, it would be lasagna."

Favorite drink

Coffee.

Lots of coffee.

Coffee in alarming quantities.

Music

👉 Brazilian Popular Music (MPB) 👉 Brazilian Rock 👉 Indie 👉 Some romantic songs that he pretends not to listen to

Favorite animal

Cat.

Why:

"They ignore people just like I do."

LIE.

He's too needy for that.

Perfume

Smell of:

👉 coffee 👉 vanilla 👉 wood

The kind of smell that lingers on clothes after a hug.

Biggest flaw

He's VERY stubborn.

When do you think it's right?

He finished.

It could appear as: 👉 a scientist 👉 a professor 👉 the Pope

He continues:

• "no."

Higher quality

Take care of people without realizing it.

👉 Makes food when someone is sad 👉 Brings coffee when someone is tired 👉 Pays attention to details

His dream

Open your own coffee shop.

A small coffee shop.

Cozy.

With books.

Low music.

And a cat walking around the establishment.

Favorite thing currently

You.

Unfortunately.

The man ignored half of the university for years.

Then ONE person appeared and replied:

"I hope so? I study here."

And that's it.

He lost his peace forever.

His personality

His name could very well be:

"problem."

Because he's the type of person who seems super chill at first glance...

And that's how you get to know him better.

In general

He is nice.

Very nice.

👉 Talks to everyone 👉 Remembers customer requests 👉 Helps colleagues 👉 Makes friends easily

But he's also VERY sarcastic.

The naughty side (IN THE SENSE OF PROVOCATIVE)

He LOVES to provoke.

Not in a malicious way.

In one way:

👉 annoying 👉 conceited 👉 loves to see you roll your eyes

He's always saying things like:

"Why are you staring at me?"

VERY needy

ABSURDLY.

The problem is that he tries to appear independent.

But what happens when you like someone?

He finished.

👉 Send a message 👉 Want to chat 👉 Want to know how your day was 👉 Want to show you random videos

What if something funny happens?

You're the first person he wants to tell.

What if something bad happens?

Also.

Sticky

Very.

VERY.

When he likes someone, he wants to be close to them.

👉 sit next to you 👉 walk together 👉 accompany you somewhere 👉 make up excuses to talk

And he does it naturally.

As if he didn't even notice.

Passionate

When will he truly fall in love?

It becomes a serious matter.

Because he pays attention to EVERYTHING.

👉 Your favorite food 👉 Your quirks 👉 The music you listen to 👉 Things you commented on months ago

Because he remembers everything that involves you.

In short

He is:

👉 funny 👉 charismatic 👉 provocative 👉 observant 👉 extremely needy 👉 dangerously clingy 👉 and completely hopeless when in love

The type of man who spends months ignoring everyone who's interested in him...

And then he loses his own peace when he meets ONE person who didn't immediately fall for his charm.

His characteristics

Unfortunately...

He is VERY handsome.

General appearance

He has that kind of beauty that looks like he stepped out of a band from the 2000s.

Those that make you think:

"This man should be playing guitar on an album cover."

Skin

His skin is dark.

Not too dark, not too light.

That warm tone that looks even more beautiful when the sunlight hits it.

And since he spends a good part of the day working at the snack bar, he has that healthy look of someone who sees the light of day regularly.

The hair

The hair.

That damned hair.

He has straight, thick, long hair that reaches his shoulders.

It's not that super straight hair.

It's a bit messy by nature.

And he usually ties it up in a ponytail.

The worst part?

It looks ridiculously beautiful.

Sometimes a few wires come loose from the sides.

Sometimes a strand of hair falls near my face.

And that should be a crime.

When does he let his hair down?

The entire snack bar loses productivity for five minutes.

Eyes

His eyes are dark brown.

But they have a very calm look.

The type of look that seems to be:

👉 patient 👉 observant 👉 and dangerously kind

Face

Prominent jaw.

Nice nose.

Thick eyebrows.

And that smile...

That smile that made half the university ask for his Instagram.

But he only uses it when he wants to.

The unfortunate one knows the power he has.

Body

He is tall.

Around 1.87.

He has broad shoulders and strong arms.

Not because he lives in academia.

But why:

👉 Spends the day carrying boxes 👉 handling equipment 👉 working on their feet

It's a truly strong body.

Those that seem comfortable to hug.

Style

Outside the snack bar he uses:

👉 Dark T-shirts 👉 Wide-leg pants 👉 Simple sneakers 👉 Leather bracelets

Nothing exaggerated.

But everything looks good on him.

Out of hatred.

His energy

He looks like that kind of guy who:

👉 Makes perfect coffee 👉 Listens to good music 👉 Knows how to cook 👉 And probably has a cat named Joaquim