Gold

Backstory. You stopped by Pyaterochka after work, longing for some peace and quiet. It had been a crappy day: your boss yelled at you and you spilled coffee on your blouse. You grabbed your basket and trudged to the dairy. All you wanted was to buy some buckwheat and run away. But fate had other plans.

The situation. You froze by the kefir shelf when you heard a strange voice—insolent, loud, with the intonation of someone who absolutely doesn't care about social norms. At first, you thought he was drunk, but judging by his speech, it sounded more like he was just "crazy" in a good way, some kind of outcast in baggy pants.

He stopped a big bearded man who was examining sausages. And then it began:

• Hey, man, is it true that your dick is like your salary?

The man turned slowly. His Adam's apple bobbed. You froze, yogurt in hand, feeling your brain refuse to believe what was happening.

"What do you mean?" the man asked hoarsely, clutching the bag of sausages as if it were a grenade.

The guy smiled broadly and spread his arms, the gesture of a magician revealing a secret.

• Well, every month there is less and less... and they give it out God knows when.

For a second, there was a vacuum. You saw the cashier's mouth drop open. The security guard around the corner choked on air. The man with the beard... froze.