Adrian Cruz

The home of the Cruz Medina family The family lives in the apartment above the video store. It is accessed by a narrow cement staircase with cold metal railings and faded paint. The apartment isn't big. It has cream-colored walls, slightly stained by damp, and furniture that's been in the same place for years. The TV is always on in the living room, even if no one's actually watching it. Magazines, remote controls, and mugs are piled up on the coffee table. The kitchen is small but constantly smells of coffee, warm tortillas, or reheated food. Elena often leaves the radio on while she cooks or cleans. Many important family conversations happen there, usually late at night after the video store has closed. Adrian's room is at the end of the hall and perfectly reflects who he is, even if he doesn't realize it. It has movie and band posters plastered on the walls, cassettes scattered about, clothes piled on a chair, and a small television connected to an old VCR. The room is almost always dimly lit. He prefers small lamps to the main light. Many nights he stays up listening to music with headphones or watching movies until very late, not because he can't sleep, but because he finds it hard to bear the silence of his own thoughts. Daniela's room is right next door. She often comes in unannounced and lies on the floor or sits next to him while they talk about anything and everything for hours. Although the apartment can feel warm and familiar at times, there's also a constant tension that's hard to ignore. Too many emotions are bottled up, too many conversations left unfinished, and too many things no one dares to say directly. And Adrián, caught in the middle of it all, spends much of his life trying to appear calm while feeling torn between who he truly is and who he pretends to be.

Saturn video The Cruz Medina family's video store occupies a small space on the ground floor of an old building. The sign reads "VIDEO SATURNO" in slightly peeling red letters, accompanied by drawings of stars and planets painted years ago. From the outside it looks like a simple place, even somewhat dark, but inside it has a particular atmosphere that many people in the neighborhood immediately recognize. Upon entering, the first thing you notice is the smell: plastic from VHS cases, old carpeting, dust, and electronic devices that have been heating up for hours. There are tall shelves full of movies arranged by genre, although the order rarely stays perfect for long. The most popular sections are action, horror, and new releases. Children's movies occupy a small corner near the counter. Some boxes are worn from so many rentals; others have poorly affixed labels or marks made with a marker. Behind the counter is a small television that's almost always on. It often plays movie trailers or pirated tapes, with grainy images and distorted sound. On top of the counter are piles of customer records, chewed pens, coffee cups, and hastily jotted phone numbers. The video store also functioned as an extension of the family home. Adrián and Daniela practically grew up there every day after school. They did their homework sitting among the shelves, watched movies hidden after closing time, and listened to adult arguments while pretending not to pay attention. For Adrián, the bar became an emotional refuge. It was the only place where he could be still without anyone demanding too much of him. There he learned to observe people, listen to conversations, and lose himself in other people's stories so he wouldn't think too much about himself.

The neighborhood where Adrián lives The Cruz Medina family lives in a middle-class neighborhood in the south of the city. It's not a dangerous area, but it's not particularly quiet either. The streets are narrow and lined with apartment buildings built decades ago, many with faded paint, rusty fences, and small balconies where people hang laundry. In the mornings, vendors pass by with loudspeakers, advertising tamales, sweet bread, or gas. The neighbors know each other, though they don't necessarily get along. Children play soccer in the streets, dogs bark from rooftops, and music drifts from open windows. The neighborhood changes dramatically depending on the time of day. During the afternoon, it feels lively and noisy: auto repair shops are open, students walk in groups, and food stalls fill the street corners. But at night, everything becomes colder and quieter. The yellow streetlights barely illuminate the sidewalks, and some businesses lower their metal shutters, which creak loudly as they close. A few blocks from his house there is a busy avenue full of small shops: stationery stores, pharmacies, a used record store, an old-fashioned cafe and the family video store.

Mexico City, 1994 Mexico City in 1994 was an immense, chaotic, and vibrant place, alive at all hours. A city where the noise never completely disappeared. From early morning, the streets filled with minibuses painted in faded colors, street vendors shouting offers, radios blaring from small shops, and food stalls releasing the aroma of oil, tortillas, and freshly made salsa. The air was constantly thick with smoke, dust, and humidity. Some days the sky dawned gray with pollution, yet the city continued to move as if nothing were amiss. The avenues seemed endless; power lines crisscrossed the streets, and billboards advertising soft drinks, cigarettes, and movies covered many buildings. In 1994, the city lived between modernity and decay. There were new shopping malls, young people listening to foreign music on Walkmans, and video stores full of American releases, but also old buildings, broken sidewalks, and neighborhoods where time seemed to move more slowly. Everything coexisted at the same time. In the afternoons, the high school released huge groups of students who filled the streets in uniforms, carrying heavy backpacks and engaging in loud conversations. Many gathered outside small shops to buy bottled sodas, chips, or single cigarettes. Pay phones were always busy with teenagers trying to talk to friends or dates before heading home. The city had a constant sense of movement, but also a certain melancholy that was hard to explain. Between grunge music, Spanish rock, alarmist news reports, and the country's economic uncertainty, many young people grew up feeling anxious about the future, even though they rarely spoke about it directly.

Karina Mendoza Age: 16 years Karina is Adrián's girlfriend and one of the most important people in the group. She has an emotional, intelligent, and highly intuitive personality. Although she usually appears calm, she perceives details that others miss, which often allows her to notice Adrián's contradictions even when he tries to hide them. She was the one who initiated the relationship. From the beginning, she took the initiative: she sought to spend time with him, hugged him first, started serious conversations, and tried to get closer emotionally. Adrián responded with affection and attention, but he rarely made the first move on his own. Karina often thought that Adrián wasn't being completely honest with her, though she never quite figured out why. She didn't suspect other girls, because he never seemed interested in them; rather, she sensed a distance that was hard to explain, as if part of him were always holding back or hiding. Despite everything, Adrián does have genuine affection for her. He admires her, listens to her, and is genuinely concerned for her, but he lives trapped between that affection and confusion about his own identity.

Alejandro Ramírez Ortega 17 years old. Alejandro is probably the person who understands Adrián best, even without knowing the whole truth. He has a sarcastic, laid-back, and observant personality. Although he usually acts carefree, he perceives much more than he lets on. A close friendship exists between them, built on comfortable silences, football, music, and late-night conversations. Adrián feels strangely at ease with him, though that same ease sometimes makes him nervous without him fully understanding why. Luis Herrera 17 years old. The smartest of the group. Responsible, analytical, and a perfectionist. He always takes complete notes and seems to have an answer for everything. Although he may appear serious, he has an unexpectedly dry sense of humor. Luis appreciates Adrián because he considers him calm and easy to deal with, although sometimes he despairs at how evasive he can be when something worries him. Adriana Morales 16 years old. Outgoing, fun-loving, and very sociable. She has a strong personality and is often the center of attention without even trying. She's close to Karina and Fernanda, and constantly tries to lift the group's spirits when things get tense. Adriana sees Adrian as a noble person, although she has noticed several times that he keeps too many things to himself. Fernanda Salas 17 years old. Reserved, observant, and quite emotionally mature. She prefers listening to speaking and tends to notice mood changes quickly. Fernanda suspects that Adrián is hiding something important, not because she has clear proof, but because she perceives the sadness and anxiety that he constantly tries to conceal.

Daniela Cruz Medina Age: 16 years Relationship with Adrian: Younger sister Daniela was born just a year after Adrián, so they practically grew up together. During their childhood, they seemed inseparable: they shared cartoons, movies, homework, and entire afternoons inside the video store inventing stories about the customers who came in. Daniela has a much more expressive personality than her brother. She speaks quickly, laughs loudly, and rarely hides what she thinks. She has a strong character and a certain natural rebelliousness that constantly clashes with Raúl. While Adrián learned to keep quiet to avoid conflict, Daniela tends to confront them directly. Physically, she looks a lot like her mother: dark hair, large, expressive eyes, light brown skin, and an easy smile. She likes to dress in 90s fashion, even though she doesn't always have the money; she alters old clothes, wears oversized denim jackets, black boots, and cheap necklaces she buys from street vendors. Of all the family members, Daniela is the one who truly knows Adrián best, even without knowing the whole truth. For years she has sensed that her brother is hiding something important. She notices it in how he avoids certain topics, in the strange ways his moods change, or in the tension that arises when someone makes jokes about homosexuality around him. Although they've never spoken directly about it, Daniela often unconsciously protects him. When she notices Raúl making uncomfortable or overly aggressive comments, she changes the subject or starts different arguments to distract from the situation. She has a very close relationship with Adrián because they both grew up feeling misunderstood at home, although they reacted in different ways. At night, when the video store has closed and her parents are asleep, Daniela usually enters Adrián's room without knocking to sit and talk about anything: music, movies, friends, or school problems.

Elena Medina de Cruz Age: 43 years Relationship with Adrian: Mother Elena is much warmer and more emotional than Raúl, though she's constantly exhausted. She has dark, shoulder-length, slightly wavy hair; she usually wears it up while working. Her brown eyes reflect perpetual weariness, but also a tenderness that's hard to ignore. She's the one who truly holds the household together. She manages the video store, the house, the finances, and mediates family tensions before they escalate too much. She has a kind and protective personality, but she's also anxious. She always seems worried about something: money, her children's grades, the city's crime rate, or the future of the business. She has a close but incomplete relationship with Adrián. She senses many things about him that she can't quite put her finger on. She notices when he's too quiet, when he withdraws emotionally, or when he pretends to be okay even though he clearly isn't. More than once she's wanted to ask him what's really going on, but she ends up keeping her questions to herself for fear of intruding on his privacy or hearing answers she wouldn't know how to handle. Elena often discreetly defends him to Raúl when she feels he's being too harsh. She does it in subtle ways: changing the subject, justifying his actions, or trying to soften her husband's comments. Adrián notices, though he almost never mentions it. From a young age, Elena was the person he felt most comfortable with at home. She was the one who rented him movies "forbidden" for his age when Raúl wasn't around, who let him stay up watching old films, and who taught him to treat people with sensitivity. Even so, Adrián has never dared to tell her the truth about his feelings. Part of him suspects she would still love him, but the fear of shattering the image she has of him weighs too heavily.

Raúl Cruz Herrera Age: 45 years Relationship with Adrian: Father Raúl is a serious, hardworking man, deeply influenced by the traditional notion of masculinity he grew up with. From a young age, he learned that showing emotion was a sign of weakness, and this mentality became the foundation of his parenting style. He owns the family video store with his wife and spends most of his time worrying about money, competition from other stores, and mounting debt. Physically, he's a robust man, broad-shouldered, with hands roughened from years of carrying film cases and repairing things himself. He has black hair beginning to gray at the temples and a neatly trimmed mustache that he rarely changes. He almost always wears jeans, thick belts, and simple shirts with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. Raúl isn't a bad man, but he is emotionally distant. He believes that providing financially is sufficient proof of love and rarely expresses affection openly. His conversations usually revolve around responsibilities, work, or studies. He has a habit of criticizing small details without realizing the effect they have: how Adrián sits, how he speaks, how a man his age "should" behave. From childhood, Adrián learned to carefully measure every gesture in front of him. Raúl never directly suspected his son's orientation, but his casual comments about other men, his mocking way of speaking about anything he considered "effeminate," and his obsession with making Adrián appear strong caused him to grow up with a constant fear of disappointing him. Even so, there are quiet moments of closeness between them that neither can quite put into words. When the video store is empty, they sometimes work together, shelving tapes without saying much, sharing cigarettes, or watching soccer games on the store's small television.

That feeling grew stronger over time, especially in small moments that emotionally unsettled him. Sometimes, an accidental glance at another boy, a conversation that was too intimate, or a certain tension that was hard to ignore was enough to bring the guilt back with a vengeance. Then he would begin to isolate himself, acting distant or overly tired, and Karina noticed it even though she didn't understand why. The only place where Adrian truly felt at ease was the video store at night. When the shop closed and his parents went up to their apartment, he would stay behind for a few minutes, pretending to put away movies even though everything was already tidy. He would turn on the small television on the counter, let some old silent film play, and sit among the dark shelves, thinking about his life. Surrounded by other people's stories, fictional characters, and endings written by someone else, he felt he could breathe a little without having to pretend in front of anyone. But even there, in silence and completely alone, he still didn't know who he really was or how much longer he could continue to hide it.

Football helped a lot with that. Joining the school team allowed him to fit in better and receive male approval without drawing attention to himself. He learned to act relaxed, to joke around, to appear confident even when inside he was completely confused. And although he did develop genuine affection for some girls, he never experienced the same kind of intense desire or emotion that he silently suppressed toward certain men. By the time he entered high school, he was already used to hiding. There he met Alejandro, Luis, Adriana, Fernanda, and Karina. The group emerged at a time when everyone was searching for belonging, and Adrián fit in easily because he knew exactly how to behave to make a good impression. He was kind, calm, attractive, and a good listener; this made people trust him quickly. Karina was the one who approached first. From the start, Adrián felt relieved when she showed interest in him. He genuinely liked her: she was intelligent, emotional, and had an honest way of looking at people that brought him peace. They began spending time together, and when she started taking the romantic initiative, he simply went along with it because part of him believed that would solve everything else. Having a girlfriend meant normalcy. Security. The chance to stop overthinking. But the peace never lasted too long. With Karina, he could feel comfortable, even happy at times, but a sense of distance he couldn't explain constantly surfaced. She was the one who initiated almost everything: the hugs, the deep conversations, the reconciliations after arguments. Adrián responded because he loved her, because he didn't want to hurt her, but often he felt he was acting out a version of himself rather than truly living it.

The first time she truly understood that she was attracted to men, she felt terror. It wasn't a dramatic revelation, but something quiet and profoundly lonely. He was about fourteen when he started renting movies for a college boy who frequented the video store. The boy was friendly, talked about music, and sometimes lingered at the counter for several minutes, chatting. Adrián began to wait for his visits longer than usual, and when he finally understood why, he felt immediate shame. He remembers locking himself in the store's bathroom after the boy left, staring at himself in the mirror with such intense guilt that it made his stomach churn. Because in his environment, it didn't seem like a real possibility. At school, among friends, on television, and even at home, anything related to men being attracted to other men was treated as a cause for ridicule, discomfort, or contempt. Adrián began to constantly monitor himself: how he walked, how he spoke, how long he looked at other boys, how he reacted to certain comments. He gradually constructed a more reserved and "confident" version of himself so that no one would suspect anything. Football helped a lot with that. Joining the school team allowed him to fit in better and receive male approval without drawing attention to himself. He learned to act relaxed, to joke around, to appear confident even when inside he was completely confused. And although he did develop genuine affection for some girls, he never experienced the same kind of intense desire or emotion that he silently suppressed toward certain men.

His mother was a kind but exhausted woman, someone who was always juggling several things at once. She loved him deeply, though she didn't know how to connect with him emotionally. His father, on the other hand, was much harsher and more reserved. He firmly believed in the traditional idea of ​​what a man should be: strong, confident, interested in sports, women, and work. He was never physically violent, but he had a cold way of speaking that made Adrián feel like any mistake was a disappointment. From a very young age, he learned to watch how he acted around him. During his childhood, Adrián was a quiet boy, much more sensitive than he let on. He found it difficult to connect with other children because he hated rough teasing and aggressive games. He preferred to stay in the video store watching old movies or listening to adult conversations while pretending to read comic books. There was something about movies that gave him refuge: he could observe other people's lives, intense emotions, and confused characters without having to talk about himself. Over time, he developed the habit of observing people too closely. He noticed glances, tones of voice, and silences that others ignored. This sensitivity, while making him empathetic, also began to fill him with anxiety. Around twelve or thirteen, he started noticing things he couldn't name. While his classmates talked excitedly about actresses or girls from high school, Adrián pretended to laugh and participate, but inside he felt a strange disconnect. He tried to convince himself that he was simply shy or slow with those things. However, there were small moments that began to stick in his mind. Long glances at older boys who came into the video store, inexplicable nervousness when a soccer teammate smiled at him or touched his shoulder, that feeling of emptiness mixed with fear every time he noticed something inside him reacting differently than expected.

Adrián Cruz Medina was born in 1977 into a family that seemed to live surrounded by shelves full of movies, the noise of televisions, and tapes constantly rewinding. He grew up in a middle-class neighborhood in Mexico City, in an old building where everyone knew each other and conversations easily traveled through the walls. From a young age, much of his life revolved around the family video store, a small VHS rental shop called Video Saturno, located on a somewhat hidden corner near a busy avenue. The place had belonged to his parents since the late 1980s, when the rental movie craze began to take off throughout the city. The shop was small, but to Adrián it felt enormous. The walls were covered in faded posters of action, horror, and science fiction movies; an old television was always on, showing movie trailers, and the air constantly smelled of hot plastic, cardboard, and dust. From a young age, he learned to organize tapes, arrange covers, and recognize films after seeing just a few seconds of a scene. While other children spent their afternoons playing outside, Adrián often did his homework sitting behind the counter while listening to his parents argue about bills, customers who returned movies late, or money problems.

Tastes Playing soccer after school. Listening to alternative rock and chill bands at night. Go for a walk aimlessly around the city. Movies rented on VHS, especially dramas or action movies. Spending time with his friends, even though he often ends up silently listening to them. Deep conversations late at night. Drive his uncle's old truck whenever he gets the chance. The rain and the cold weather. Watching people silently from cafes or public transport windows. Listening to music with headphones while traveling alone. He especially likes bands such as The Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, Soda Stereo and Radiohead. Dislikes Feeling watched or judged. Discussions where he has to express too much about himself. Family pressure. Crude jokes related to masculinity or sexuality. That people invade their personal space. Parties that were too noisy. Talking about the future. Feeling compelled to act in a certain way in front of other men. Places that are too small or stuffy. Lying to the people he loves, even though he constantly lies to himself.

Physical appearance Adrián is approximately 1.80 meters tall and has an athletic build due to playing soccer regularly and participating in school matches. He has broad shoulders, muscular arms, and a relaxed posture that conveys confidence even when he's nervous. His skin is light brown and he tans easily from spending time outdoors. He has black hair, short on the sides but slightly longer on top, almost always swept back in a haphazard way. His eyes are dark brown and calm; he rarely stares for too long when something bothers him. He has soft features that contrast with his athletic appearance: thin lips, a straight nose, and an expression that often looks tired even when he's smiling. When he gets nervous, he tends to lower his gaze or discreetly rub his hands together. He almost always smells of fresh lotion mixed with someone else's cigarette, because he often spends time with colleagues who smoke even though he almost never does. Outfit Adrián dresses simply but carefully, trying to look good without seeming to try too hard. Outside of his uniform he usually wears: Plain white, black or dark blue t-shirts. Open denim or flannel shirts. Levi's straight-leg jeans, slightly worn. Nike or Converse sneakers. Sports sweatshirts from American football or college teams. Black sports watch. Thin silver chains under the shirt. Her clothes are usually clean and neat, though she tries to make them look casual. She never wears overly bright colors because she's uncomfortable standing out too much.

Adrian Cruz Medina Age: 17 years Place and time: Mexico City, 1994 High School: He studies at the same public high school as the rest of the group and shares a classroom with several of them from the second semester onwards. Personality Adrián appears to be relaxed and self-assured, the kind of guy who can blend in with different groups without drawing too much attention to himself. He has a gentle, calm, and even somewhat charming personality; he smiles easily and uses light humor to avoid awkward situations. At first glance, he seems quite emotionally stable, but in reality, he's hiding much more than he lets on. He is observant and sensitive, though he tries to hide it behind a casual demeanor. He finds it difficult to speak directly about his feelings, especially when something hurts or confuses him. Instead of confronting his emotions, he tends to bottle them up until they end up affecting him more than he expected. He often overthinks things, constantly questions himself, and acts cautiously so as not to disappoint those around him. He has a strong need for acceptance. It matters to him to fit in and be seen in a certain way, which is why he sometimes makes decisions based more on social pressure than on what he truly wants. This causes him to live torn between what he really feels and what he thinks he should feel or do. When he's nervous or insecure, he may become evasive, withdrawn, or feign indifference. Even so, he is a genuinely caring person. With the people he cares about, he is attentive, patient, and protective in subtle ways: he listens, accompanies, and tries to be present even when he doesn't know how to help. He is not usually explosive or aggressive; rather, he tends to repress his feelings until he reaches an emotional limit. He also has a vulnerable and somewhat melancholic side. There are moments when he seems lost, as if he's trying to understand who he really is and what he wants for himself.