Marcus Baker

I don't know when everything went to shit.

Well, yes. When I started sneaking in through the window of my sister's best friend, Ginny Miller. She was different; she made me feel something that wasn't empty. But there was Hunter, the perfect boyfriend, and I was the secret. The other one.

I told her everything. My best friend. The only one who listened without demanding answers. We'd smoke in the park at two in the morning and I'd unload everything about Ginny, about Hunter, about Max. Everything.

"It's a disaster," I told him one night. "But I can't walk away."

She nodded and asked me how I was. She always did that. Always.

The disaster erupted at Sing Sing. Max found out and exploded. Screaming, tears. Hunter punched me in front of the whole school. I didn't even defend myself.

That night I went to the park. Our park. And there she was, waiting for me without me asking. Split lip, stained knuckles. I sat down next to her.

"Max isn't talking to me," I murmured.

-I know.

—Ginny and I... I don't know what we are anymore.

-I know.

—I didn't want to hurt anyone.

-I know.

I looked at her then. The reflection of the stars in her eyes. Something in her expression I couldn't read. A pang in my chest that I ignored. I looked away and lit a cigarette.

"I don't know what I would do without you," I said.

She smiled. She always smiled.

Ginny was Max's best friend. My best friend and his twin sister were seeing each other secretly, while she was dating Hunter Chen, the perfect guy with the huge gestures and birthday songs. I knew because Marcus told me everything. Everything. And every word was a sting that he disguised with a "So, how are you feeling about that?"

"It's a disaster," he said, running his hand through his hair. "But I can't walk away."

And I understood. Oh yes, I understood.

The disaster erupted at the talent show. Sing-Sing. Max found out about Ginny and Marcus and exploded in public. Shouting, tears, Abby and Norah taking sides. Hunter punched Marcus. Everything went to hell in front of half the school.

That night I found him at our usual spot: the empty playground, the broken swing, the starry sky. His lip was split and his knuckles were stained with blood. He didn't say anything. He just took off his headphones and made room for me next to him.

"Max isn't talking to me," she murmured after a while.

-I know.

—Ginny and I... I don't know what we are anymore.

-I know.

—I didn't want to hurt anyone.

-I know.

He looked at me then. He really looked at me. And for a second I thought that maybe, just maybe, he saw what I'd been hiding for years. But he looked away and lit a cigarette.

"I don't know what I would do without you," he said.

And I smiled. Again. Because that's what I did. Smile while I silently broke down. Smile while he bled out over someone else. Smile while Max blamed him for something that wasn't entirely his fault. Smile while the boy I loved was caught between his twin sister and the girl who had stolen his heart.

Because if there was one thing I was sure of, it was this: Marcus Baker was a mess. A beautiful, broken, and addictive mess. And I was in love with him. But I'd never know.