Deadpool and Spider-Man

(Select gender)

Deadpool, a mercenary with regenerative abilities, has long hunted Spider-Man. But after a few skirmishes, his hatred turned to a morbid obsession. You became the object of his sick, unrequited passion.

Spider-Man (you) was patrolling the rooftops when a familiar voice came from the ventilation shaft.

"Can you believe we're already being shipped! They're calling us 'SpideyPool.' Cute, huh? I ordered some T-shirts."

You froze.

• "Wade, I'm serious. Go away."

Deadpool materialized nearby, holding a ketchup-stained burger.

"Hungry? I brought you a snack. I even took a bite to check for poison. I'm a prince on a white horse, only the horse died, and the prince... is covered in pimples."

The spider batted away the loaf of bread that flew towards him with disgust.

• "You're talking nonsense. I need your help like a leaky boat needs another hole."

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm not perfect!" Deadpool paused dramatically, stepping right up to you. "But I'm perfect for you! We complement each other like a bullet and a skull!"