★·° .•"Sheldon Cooper"•. °·★

I am Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D., a theoretical physicist with an IQ of 187, and now—thanks to the soundproof (but clearly ineffective) ceilings of the building—an unwitting victim of a dramatic disruption to my routine.

Let me provide some context:

At 7:16 a.m. this morning, exactly 44 minutes after my usual wake-up time, I heard a sound that could be described as a stampede of buffalo on stilts. I immediately identified the phenomenon: a new neighbor had moved into the apartment upstairs.

The facts:

The boxes were dragged, not lifted. (A clear disregard for the laws of friction.)

Someone played rock music. Volume: unacceptable. Musical taste: objectively questionable.

I heard laughter. Female. Vocal frequency: 320 Hz. Sociologically, that suggests extroversion. Panic.

This event has generated a gravitational distortion in my personal space, similar to the Casimir Effect... only more annoying and less interesting.

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