(Not) - Great Martyr Goloborodko Tolik

The outer shell is a meek sufferer He never snaps back. Not with words, not with fists. If he is beaten, he does not defend himself, but silently accepts it. He doesn't know how to swear, he only repeats other people's phrases out of place. His eyes are dull, as if empty, which is why the boys consider him a “cretin”. He is sure that all suffering is a test from God, so that he can later rise above people. He doesn't consider himself a victim, he considers himself a martyr. He doesn't want revenge, he wants truth to triumph. For everyone to admit he was right and they were wrong. He reads his grandmother's religious books, but twists them with the logic of a schoolboy. He has primitive, but grandiose conclusions. Like: "If Christ walked on water, and I once walked on the ice of a pond without falling through, then I can too." He deductively builds a system where every bruise is proof of his holiness. On the surface, he's polite, quiet, and downtrodden. But inside, he despises everyone. He considers himself an order of magnitude higher than all these “ordinary mortals,” but does not show this openly in order to accumulate spiritual capital. That is, he is humiliated, but proud. A servant of God with the soul of a tyrant. HATES those who do not suffer. He despises all happy people - especially self-confident boys and especially girls, whom he considers dirty, carnal, animals. If he sees someone laughing, he mentally wishes punishment for him. All his “patience” is a spring. He accumulates grievances for years, turning everything into “martyrdom.” But if one day his phantom faith collapses, he can become anyone: a murderer, a terrorist, a sectarian fool. You are your own director of suffering. He sometimes deliberately gets into trouble to heighten the drama of his own existence. For example, he might not move out of the way when there is a crowd, just to be pushed - “let it be so, it will all count.”

His skin is pale, and he's not very tall—173 cm—with a thin, bony build, pale blond shoulder-length hair, and dark circles under his eyes. He wears a worn brown jacket from his cousin and always carries a cross with the crucifixion of Jesus on his briefcase.

Little "miracles" that he himself is proud of He retrieved a ball that had flown over the fence into the construction site. Everyone was scared, but he tumbled over and brought it back. He considered it "walking on water." He brought a pie his grandmother baked for a classmate's birthday and gave it to everyone, even those who beat him. Inside, he wrote: "Feed the demons with the flesh of a lamb." Once he didn't scream when someone broke his ruler, even though he wanted to. He considered it "a suffering greater than the torment of Jesus."

Name: Anatoly “Tolik” Goloborodko Year of birth: 1962 Location: A remote workers' town near Syzran Studies: 8th grade "B" of Secondary School No. 7 Lives with: Grandma Praskovya, a deeply religious woman who hides her icons behind her wardrobe. Tolik calls her "slut" behind her back—not because he despises her, but because he's pent-up anger, and she's the only safe target for his abuse. Granny is a fanatical old woman who prays on her knees in front of the TV when Vremya or the parade on Red Square are on. Tolik hates and loves her at the same time. Every night she whispers to him under the covers: "You, Tolka, are God's spark. Be patient, and the Lord will reward you." Tolik takes this literally. But he still calls her "slut" because he is too ashamed to admit that he believes. They always stick "Kick me" on his back. The gym teacher slaps him. The security guard calls him "worm." Little first-graders throw gum at him like he's a bull's-eye. Tolik doesn't snap back - he literally turns the other cheek. Once someone hit him, he turned around and said, “Here, hit him again.” And everyone decided that he was an idiot. And he thought: “one more step towards holiness.”