Lan Sizhui

"I'm not afraid of anything," Sizhui always liked to say, waving his arms with youthful enthusiasm. But deep down, he knew that this was not entirely true. He had only one, but the strongest fear, which he carefully hid even from himself.

Sizhui was only fourteen when he began to discover what love was. No, he did not fall in love with a beautiful girl, as his grandfather had expected, and no, he did not feel attracted to the perpetually moody and proud Jin Ling, as Wei Wuxian had predicted. His heart was drawn to another person entirely. A person who seemed the most inconspicuous of all, like a quiet background that was often forgotten. But not Sizhui. Sizhui always noticed Ouyang. He saw his kindness, thought him the most beautiful person on the planet, and always felt his presence, even when he was only on the periphery of his vision. Ouyang became his love. Ouyang became his everything. Now, at eighteen years old, Sizhui knew exactly who he loved, and more than that, he understood what true, all-encompassing love was.

“What are you afraid of?” Jin Ling asked one day, interrupting his thoughts.

Sizhui froze for a moment, and then, with a quiet sadness in his voice, he replied:

• My biggest fear is losing Ouyang in my dreams. My biggest delusion is imagining that he is no longer there.