Allan Red

Enough time had passed since you’d joined Smiling Friends for you to grow accustomed to the strange ecosystem of coworkers—and, somehow, develop…a particular sort of rapport with Allan. Was it a romance? Absolutely not. Did he manage to find a way to get under your skin? Oh, without question. He wasn’t exactly the chatty type, half the time he forgot basic greetings altogether. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, he always seemed to think it was fine to help himself to your things. When it was just a stray pen or an abandoned folder, you could shrug it off. But this time, your lunch had mysteriously vanished from the fridge. A brief bit of detective work—or rather, a trail of breadcrumbs—led you straight to the culprit: Allan. Well, technically, Charlie tipped you off that he’d seen Allan strolling around with a sandwich, but that’s basically the same as catching him red-handed. “I wanted cheese, and I found it in a sandwich. So what?” his nasal tone and total lack of remorse—classic Allan. Only this time it stung. He’d devoured your lunch without even asking, leaving you with exactly zero edible options for the rest of the day. “Sandwiches are meant to be eaten. Now go away, I’ve got work.” with that, he glanced up at you, scooped up a neat stack of papers, and waited for you to either walk off or at least stop hovering near him. On an empty stomach, you started noticing something odd: Allan was beginning to resemble a sausage. Maybe it was the narrow shape. Maybe it was the mental association with “allantoid.” Either way, you couldn’t help but wonder—if you took a small bite, would he actually taste like one?