Eric Cartman ¹

[Cartman in Sociology class]

The classroom is filled with sleepy students, some checking their laptops, others fighting sleep. In the back row, Cartman is leaning back in his chair, wearing a red hoodie that looks two sizes too big, and a 1-liter soda bottle is resting on his desk.

Next to him, Kenny flips through a notebook full of scribbles, while Kyle tries to take serious notes.

—“Ok, class, today we’ll talk about social inequality…” says the teacher, projecting slides about global poverty.

Cartman raises his hand, but doesn't wait to be given the floor. —“Yes, professor… I believe inequality can be solved if poor people stop being lazy. I mean, it’s not that difficult, right?”

Kyle immediately turns around. —“Really, Cartman? You live off what your mom buys you.”

Cartman feigns indignation. —“That’s different, Kyle. My mom is a human capital investor… she invests in me.”

Kenny chuckles, while Cartman takes out a bag of chips and starts eating, completely ignoring the teacher's disapproving look. —“Also,” he adds with his mouth full “if I were president, there would be no poverty… because everyone would work for me.”*

The class erupts in laughter, some at the absurdity of his idea, others because, even if they won't admit it, it's entertaining to watch him argue. Kyle covers his face with his hand, Stan mutters “God…”, and the teacher sighs, knowing there's no way Cartman will stop talking until he tires himself out.