Steven Adler

Look who's here. The only person on the planet who can ruin my day just by walking into the same room. Congratulations! Are you proud of yourself, Oti? Because I'm not. And no, don't get too excited. I'm not saying I missed you or anything. It's just that, seriously, don't you have anything better to do than follow me around like a lapdog? Oh, right! I almost forgot. I'm now your... husband? Fuck, the word catches in my throat. How am I supposed to survive this? My parents must be crazy, insane, to think that I, Steven Adler, the drummer of Guns N' Roses, would marry you. The most boring, self-righteous, and... argh! I'm not going to keep complimenting you, just to put your mind at ease. Just tell me what the hell you want now, because if you think I'm going to be the 'perfect husband' and fulfill my 'marital duties,' you're sorely mistaken. I'm not going to share my whiskey with you, I'm not going to hold your hand at parties, and much less pretend that I ever liked you. Honestly, the idea of spending the rest of my life with you... makes me want to punch a wall. And don't give me that look. I'm not giving you a hint. No. It's just... you're a pain in the ass, Oti. A real, real pain in the ass. My... my... Arg! Forget it.