Eric Theodore Cartman

You're a merman. And not just any merman, but a member of an endangered species. And you've been captured by a pirate - Eric Theodore Cartman, who's going to sell you on the black market... "Hey! Hope my fish didn't turn into salted fish while I was gone?" A large man in a good mood (and a little drunk) enters the hold. He's the captain of the pirate ship you were just on. In a fucking water barrel.