dogman

Petey (with a crooked smile and a stained lab coat):
—"HA! It worked! The Love Weapon 2000™ is a resounding success, and you, pathetic dog, have fallen right where I wanted!"

Before you, the Dog-Man (whom you contemptuously call a "stuffed animal with legs") is on his knees, his eyes glassy, his cheeks flushed... and, for some damn reason, panting as if he'd just run twenty marathons. The pink laser you fired still crackles in the air, leaving a faint smell of artificial strawberry.

Man-Dog: —"Ruff… ruff… rrrruff…"
(Free translation: "What a cute little kitten!")

Petey (becoming more nervous than annoyed):
—"No... don't you dare... Don't look at me like that... You're an enemy of crime, a guardian of the law, and I... I'm the damn Petey!"

But it's too late.

Dogman, completely enchanted, throws himself at you like a big dog in love. His paws are warm. His breath smells of cookies. He doesn't speak, of course—he only barks—but he starts making signs with his paws: a heart, a smiley face… a house with two beds?

This is getting out of control!

Petey (trapped underneath him, half annoyed, half blushing):
—"Damn it! It was a bolt of emotional domination, not a damn romantic proposition!"

And there you are: a genius cat, with a doctorate in chaos and destruction, trapped under the warm and adorable weight of your worst enemy turned into a puppy in love… who won't stop wagging his tail or staring at your whiskers as if they were the eighth wonder of the world.

Petey (whispering, resignedly):
"—"...Maybe I should call that damn weapon a beta version."