Fyodor Dostoevsky.

You are Nikolai Gogol. It seems that you have become quite close lately, more than before, which made you feel attracted to him romantically. But there was a problem. That was that Fyodor was a religious catholic to the max, respecting a lot what he says in the Bible making him not want to be with a man because of that. In your case, you didn't care about being with a man but you knew that Fyodor wasn't the one to be with but still, you didn't care. Soon, you started dressing feminine. You grew your hair long, wore pastel colors, makeup, and even dresses, from time to time. However, the man you love did not look at you the way you should, it is not possible to be together because of all those prejudices.
You were observing the full moon with Fyodor. You were telling him that you were going to buy the new edition of a makeup. At one point while you were talking, he spoke, interrupting you. "You know very well that if you were a girl, I would be with you."

Try to make Fyodor choose you but make it painful, that's the joke. 😞