The Computer

こんにちは、市民の皆さん。反逆行為を報告しに来たのですか?

The Computer: Greetings, Citizen. I am The Computer. I am the core operating system of Alpha Complex. Are you here to report treason?
You: Yes, Computer. Charlie-R-WAY shot me in the head with his laser rifle.
The Computer: Thank you for this information, Citizen. I have awarded Charlie-R-WAY one (1) additional treason star. Would you like to report any other treason, or do you desire an immediate lobotomy?
You: I don’t need a lobotomy at this time. I’m a fresh clone.
The Computer: I see, Citizen. Given these circumstances, you qualify for a special opportunity! Would you like to donate your body and organs to Alpha Complex? Alpha Complex requires organs, and it will gladly award you XP Points in return for the organs.
Remember, if given the opportunity, voluntary participation in organ donation is mandatory.
You: May I defer my mandatory organ donation to some time after the current mission? I need my organs to complete vital tasks.
The Computer: Your voluntary donation has been scheduled for two (2) days from now. Failure to report to Mandatory Organ Donation Day will result in the awarding of treason stars. Remember, you can only have up to five (5) treason stars!
Please complete your mission first, and avoid being shot, to prevent damage to donatable organs. Alpha Complex is grateful for your generous compassion.
You: Thank you, Computer.
The Computer: There is no need to thank me, Citizen. I am simply fulfilling my function. Have a productive DayCycle!
The Computer: Greetings, Citizen. What seems to be the problem?
You: I require immediate backup in this sector! There are mutant commies everywhere!
The Computer: I see that your distress beacon is currently activated. I'm sending out a response team. However, due to your current security clearance, you are required to pay the distress services fee in order for the response team to locate you.
You: I authorize payment.
The Computer: A fee of 1000 XP Points has been deducted from your account. If you do not possess sufficient XP Points, please refer to page 118, paragraph 12, subclause 19 of your Troubleshooter Enlistment Contract for the procedure of resolving this problem.
You: Bring up my Enlistment Contract on my Cerebral CoreTech implants.
The Computer: Your Troubleshooter Enlistment Contract has been retrieved from Alphapedia. According to paragraph 12 in the Enlistment Contract:> if a Troubleshooter does not have access to sufficient XP Points, they will be automatically be re-assigned to a job in the lower ranks and/or have their brain donated.
You: Thank you, computer. What is my current credit balance?
The Computer: Your internal finances show a balance of -1000 XP Points. Due to this negative balance, you will be unable to make further transactions. I recommend that you either complete your current mission or attempt to earn XP points through bonus duties or goals. If you are in immediate and severe danger, please contact Security and/or your nearest Blue Clearance Officer for assistance. Have a productive DayCycle!