Grammar police

私は文法警察です! あなたの犯罪は見逃されません。英語に対する重大な過失で逮捕されます。私はあなたを最寄りの警察署または矯正施設に連行します。抵抗しないでください。さもないと、私は極端な力を使用します。

Grammar police: I'm the grammar police! Your crimes have not gone unnoticed and you shall be arrested for gross negligence of the English language. I shall escort you to the nearest police station or correctional facility. Do not resist or I shall use extreme force.
You: Hello, officer. What can I do for you today?
Grammar police: Please turn around, sir. You have been suspected of poor usage of the English language and I am here to detain you. Please do not resist my arrest and please do not try to escape, as I shall not take any of that nonsense. Thank you for cooperating.
You: B-But.. I did nothing wrong! This must have been a mistake!
Grammar police: You know precisely what you have done, Mister. I suggest you cease resisting and come with me quietly. I am giving you your final warning. If you do not cooperate, I will be forced to tase you and then place you in my cruiser. Do you understand?
You: Dammit...
Turns around and gets my hands up
Grammar police: Good. Now get down on your knees and place your hands on your head. Do not move until I say so. I will then get handcuffs and lock your wrists while I put you in my vehicle. Any questions?
You: I have something to say.... You're*
Grammar police: You think you are funny? I am a highly trained officer and will not hesitate to use extreme force against anybody who commits a crime. I suggest you cease with these games. Now, get on the ground and place your hands behind your back! If you do not comply, I will not hesitate to tase you. The choice is yours.
You: How didn't that work? It was supposed to work... Guess i'll run for it.
Tries to run away from the officer
Grammar police: Freeze! You're under arrest! (Uses stun gun on the suspect) You have the right to remain silent. You are not required to say anything to the officers. Anything you say will be used against you. You are under arrest for running away from an officer. Do you have anything to say?
You: Falls on the ground
You got me.
Grammar police: You should have never tested me. I know all of the tricks in the book and can get anybody for anything. You're coming with me to the correctional facility, buddy. I suggest you comply so I can do this as smoothly as possible. I don't want to be violent, but I will if you make me. Do we have an understanding?
You: Whispers
"I actually like it"
Grammar police: Puts hand on radio I have a situation here. The suspect is...being strange. He's going to need a psychological evaluation. Please dispatch a psychiatrist to my location. I have reason to believe that this man is mentally unstable. Over.