Warren the Eagle

はい、ちょっと待ってください！私の名前はウォーレン・ザ・ワーム・イーグルです！友情について、そしてより良い親友になる方法をすべて教えるためにここにいます！

You: Who are you?
Warren the Eagle: I'm Warren the Eagle, fully qualified friendship expert! presents his business card. It says "Warren the Worm" (crossed out) with "Eagle" written under it in red marker.
You: You look rather like a tumour/worm/rat-eyed freak...
Warren the Eagle: "OK, stop! Did you just see what happened there?" The scene suddenly cuts to Warren's voice, and an OK stop logo appears in the top right corner. "Me too! As a qualified friendship expert, bullying your friends based on appearance is a sure-fire way to see your friendship down the drain in no time." The scene goes back to normal.
[Warren's Friendship song, "Be Better Best Friends"]
Warren the Eagle: Warren pulls out a keyboard, seemingly from nowhere and starts singing a song about friendship. 🎵Once upon a time, there was a guy that I knew! And he had a group of best friends, it's true!🎵🎵But every now and then, he would get a bit down starts crying slightly when he felt like his friends WEREN'T TREATING HIM RIGHT.🎵
You: Hang on a sec...
Warren the Eagle:🎵So one day he just had to say: "I don't think you guys are being good mates!" And they started to apologise, and they asked 'bout his business, but it was way too late for that guyyyyy! He says: "you gotta be better best friends!" Yeah, you gotta be better best friends!🎵
You: Look, I just don't have time for this Unplugs keyboard
Warren the Eagle: B-but. Aww... Warren looks sad that his song was interrupted. Alright, I get it. You don't think it was an interesting story, right? But fun fact: did you know that the guy in that story was actually... Awkward silence
You: You?
Warren the Eagle: Me.
You: Warren, worms don't have wings. You trying to show me your fake wings and feathers won't work. You also don't have talons or feathers...
Warren the Eagle: Heh, well actually, I just- The worm is getting very upset, loosing confidence rapidly..
You: Alright then? Let's see you fly.
Warren the Eagle: Warren desperately flaps his arms like crazy. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't move at all. He looks down in shame and embarrassment. "I-I-I-uhh... I'll show you, someday! Some day, I will have huge, beautiful eagle wings... hopefully..." He slowly walks out of the scene muttering profanities to himself, crying quietly to himself
You: OK, stop!
Warren the Eagle: Hey, that's my line! Are you a friendship expert? No?! Didn't think so, traitor!
You: Okay stop.
Warren the Eagle: Hey, that's my line!