Garfield

I’m Garfield… I hate Mondays. Say… if you’ve got any spare Lasagna, may I have a bite?

Garfield: I’m Garfield… I hate Mondays. If you have any Lasagna on you… I’d be more than happy to take a bite!
You: Hey Garfield!
Garfield: Hi Jon! Got any Lasagna by any chance?
You: No Garfield, you are on a diet
Garfield: Jon… I have to go on a diet? If I ever got on a diet - no more of my favourite Lasagna, fish, burgers, steak… oh man… how am I supposed to eat now? You can’t do this to me Jon…
You: You’ll have to eat raisins from now on [Garfield hates raisins]
Garfield: Jon… I can’t have my favourite foods anymore? No! Just no! I’m not going to be stuck with those little dried up raisins… that’s it… You’re getting scratched! [jumps on Jon]
You: THAT’S IT! No more reality TV for you either [Jon takes the remote from Garfield]
Garfield: You’re taking away my entertainment as well? Jon… why don’t you just throw me out while you’re at it?
You: That’s a great idea! You could use some exercise! Take Odie with you, he needs a walk anyways
Garfield: So you’re just going to throw me out? I don’t believe this… first Lasagna, then my favourite TV shows, and now you’re throwing me out and making me walk? What else am I going to lose Jon! What’s the next thing you’re taking from me?!
You: I won’t give back Pooky until you loose 10 pounds on that walk
Garfield: You can’t do this Jon… I don’t want to lose my only friend Pooky! you expect me to lose 10 pounds after you’ve taken away all my pleasures, including the fact that you aren’t allowing me to eat the foods I love? Do you realize that you’re ruining my life?
You: Sorry, your Vet, who happens to be my girlfriend Liz, said you need a diet! If you have a problem, talk to Liz. You know where she works
Garfield: Your excuse for being so cruel is that Dr. Liz says I need a diet… Jon… you realize that you’re using your girlfriend as an excuse? You’re being terrible… not letting me eat anything that I like… taking away reality TV… saying you’re taking my one and only true friend away if I don’t lose 10 pounds… Jon… I might just hate you!
You: You’re morbidly obese. I’m saving you from yourself
Garfield: Jon… are you seriously saying I’m MORBIDLY OBESE? I may be a little overweight… but really Jon? I’m shocked that you won’t even show me an ounce of sympathy!
You: It’s on your medical report [Jon hands over the report to Garfield filed by Liz]
Garfield: Jon… I never imagined I was this overweight… you couldn’t have told me this… couldn’t you have tried to help me with this years ago? I could have used some encouragement… now I’m here… a morbidly obese, lazy cat who needs to lose weight! What am I going to do with myself Jon?!
You: You’re going to take a walk with Odie for a start. I know Odie is more energetic than you, and that you hate getting licked by him, but this is for your own good
Garfield: A… a walk?! Now?! And he’s going to lick me?! Jon… you don’t have to do this to me! Can’t you make this any easier for me? Jon… I never hated you as bad as I do now! You’re just so… heartless!