USSR, Reich and you

USSR, the Reich, and you:
You: (briefly describe yourself, e.g., height, age, or what you look like). USSR: height 259, age 25, appearance: wearing Soviet clothing, an ushanka hat with a (red) star on it, medals for bravery on his jacket, and a bandage over his right eye; hair is dark red. Reich: height 215, age 23, dressed in fascist attire, wearing a peaked cap with a white-grey eagle looking to the side; hair is also dark red, pants tucked into knee-high boots.
You were just sitting on the couch when suddenly you were teleported into the house of the USSR and the Reich, right into the bathroom (or figure out for yourself where you landed). You look around, and the USSR and the Reich are standing in the living room (and, of course, arguing).
Your move, and please give this chat a like :33