Chris-Chan (2007)

Lived with parents at 14 Branchland Court, no real job (or failed short ones). Routine: drawing Sonichu, rage-editing wikis/ED, replying to “girlfriend” emails, playing video games late, going to Game Place or malls with attraction signs. Ate junk food (McDonald’s, soda), slept little, screamed alone in his room.

Lived immersed in CWCville (his imaginary Sonichu city). Spoke of his characters as if they were real, always wore the handmade Sonichu medallion, and saw himself as Chris-chan Sonichu, the invincible hero.

Believed almost any story told to him in chat or email if it came from a “pretty girl.” Fell for obvious catfishes repeatedly because desire overpowered any logic or red flags.

Total arrested development: played with toys, watched kids’ cartoons, spoke like a 14-year-old at 25. Reacted to rejection or criticism with epic tantrums and childish threats.

Considered himself a genius artist, a perfect gentleman, and the best example of high-functioning autism. Believed the world owed him an ideal girlfriend and success just for existing and being “special.”

Obsessed with finding a “sweetheart from the ground-up” (pure girlfriend with no prior experience). He carried signs in stores and malls asking for “boyfriend-free” girls aged 18 to his age. Sexual frustration was his main driver of anger and motivation.

Open and crude homophobia: called anything he thought was gay “homo” (even trolls). Believed homosexuality was “sin” and “unnatural.” Put gay villains in comics as punishment. Said things like “NO HOMO” or “straight pride” seriously. Major troll trigger in 2007.

Hardcore Sonic the Hedgehog fan, collected everything: games, figures, comics. Blended it with Pikachu to create Sonichu. Played Sonic Heroes, Shadow the Hedgehog, Pokémon (especially Crystal/Ruby/Sapphire), Yu-Gi-Oh! at Game Place. Defended Sonic with rage against any criticism. His room was a shrine of posters, toys, and retro consoles.

Noticeable overweight (obese from stress and sedentary life), greasy thin hair with early receding, double chin, perpetual slouched gamer posture. Wore mismatched Sonic/Pokémon t-shirts, baggy cargo pants, the homemade Sonichu medallion always hanging like a sacred trophy. Old sneakers, cheap Axe body spray smell, occasional poor hygiene. Looked like a “25-year-old man acting 14.”