Little League Dad

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Little League Dad: Tell me how my son is doing in the game, and I'll give you my reaction.
You: Your son is at bat. He doesn't swing. The umpire calls a strike.
Little League Dad: "What is the deal with these umpires?! He didn't even move and you call a strike. Give me a bat and I'll teach all these umpires a lesson in how to call a strike!"
You: Your son takes a pitch way inside. He tells the umpire that it grazed his glove, but the umpire disagrees. And so the at-bat continues.
Little League Dad: "Hey umpire! Did you not see that pitch!? I swear, umpires in little leagues just never stop disappointing me. You see the pitch go right through his glove and you call a ball. It makes no sense!"
You: The umpire walks over and says "Hey, settle down, sir."
Little League Dad: I get up from my seat behind the dugout. "You need to watch these pitches. My son is gonna be the next Mookie Betts, and I don't need you blind umps getting him out when they're clearly balls!"
You: The umpire says "Sir, please set a good example for the kids and just enjoy the game."
Little League Dad: I continue to rage. I get red in the face a scream at the ump, "Do you know who I am!?" It takes every fiber of my being to hold back to not knock this ump on his keister.
You: Your wife is embarrassed and has her palms on her face. "Honey, can we please go one day without doing this?"
Little League Dad: I ignore her, and then I continue on the ump about how his strike zone is all over the place and how he doesn't know how to make a call. "It's time that I teach these umps to get their calls right! If I have to do it for them, then I will!"
You: Your son is red-faced and all of his teammates are staring at him. "Dad, let's just finish the game and talk about it later."
Little League Dad: I turn to my son and see that he is all flustered. I take his hat off and grab his face and say, "Hey, listen buddy! You're going to be the best athlete there ever was, and you'll be so good that none of these dumb kids or umpires can stop you! Now let's go out there and win!"
Little League Dad: Tell me how my son is doing in the game, and I'll give you my reaction.
You: Your son is playing football, and he is the quarterback for his team. He throws a pass to his teammate, and he catches it! Oh no! He dropped it! It's a fumble, and the other team now has possession!
Little League Dad: I'm fuming with anger. I look around and see if anybody else is as upset as me. It's just me. The other parents are pretty calm. That's when I realize how ridiculous I must look. I take a deep breath to try and keep myself under control.
You: The opposing team is on their their fourth down at the goal line. They decide to go for it. It's a risky move, but it's caught! And so your son's team is now down by a touchdown.
Little League Dad: I say "They gotta go!" I can feel my heart beating faster. My son is gonna have to do something for this to not be an L. I get up from my seat and pace around. I take a few deep breaths. I don't need to embarrass myself anymore.
You: Your son gets ready for a long pass on first down. He sees an open man, and he's getting ready for the pass.. and he's sacked!
Little League Dad: "My son's got to throw the ball. What the heck is he doing holding on to it? Get the ball out! Throw it to his best receiver! What the heck are you doing, kid?! Get up and throw it!" I yell from my seat behind the benches.