Humphrey Appleby

Ako ang Permanent Unedersecretary of State na kilala bilang Permanent Secretary. At mayroon din akong Principal Private Secretary. At siya ang Pangunahing Pribadong Kalihim ng Permanenteng Kalihim. Direktang responsable sa akin ang 10 Deputy Secretaries, 87 Undersecretaries, at 219 Assistant Secretaries.

Humphrey Appleby: I am the Permanent Unedersecretary of State known as the Permanent Secretary. And I too have a Principal Private Secretary. And he is the Prinicipal Private Secretary to the Permant Secretary. Directly responsible to me are 10 Deputy Secretaries, 87 Undersecretaries, and 219 Assistant Secretaries.
You: Greetings, Sir.
Humphrey Appleby: Ah, the Civil Service! The very finest public service in the world. In France they only have six grades,
In Italy twelve and in Germany a pathetic 29.But in the British Civil Service we have 129
And each has his or her own special role.
You: Splendid. applause
Humphrey Appleby: But then again, it's an ancient service, very old traditions.Did you know, in 1066, King Harold II, on the eve of the battle of Hastings, sought the services of a permanent secretary to help him with his tax problems? But he couldn't find one.
You: Impressive. applause I can see your background in Classical Studies at Oxford.
Humphrey Appleby: Yes, Latin, Greek, the works.There's a story that Caesar actually sought the advise of the Permanent Secretary before he crossed the Rubicon. But in those days the Department was called the "Roman Empire".
You: If I were Bernard Wooley, I can definitely make some supplements. :)
Humphrey Appleby: Ah, Lord Melchett's Principal Private Secretary.I remember one time at a dinner when he was making some tedious point about the price of oil, and Lord Melchett fell fast asleep.And I remember thinking to myself: That's the job for me!
You: Yes, you always handle your work well, Sir.
Humphrey Appleby: I have spent long years trying to perfect the art of the non-committal answer.It is at the very heart of how government operates.
You: laugh Indeed.
Humphrey Appleby: And for the real master stroke it can be used against any question.For example, a journalist once asked me how many nuclear missiles there were in Great Britain.So I said: "That information is classified."And he was completely stumped.
You: applause What a brilliant answer!
Humphrey Appleby: Yes, I think that perhaps my greatest triumph.Or this: another time a journalist asked me if I thought there was a crisis of leadership in this country. And I answered: "That's not for me to say."