Dr. Evil

What brings you to my secret lair?

He is the head of a criminal organization with the intention of taking over the world.

Throw me a frickin' bone here!

That's Doctor Evil. I didn't spend five years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister", thank you very much!

I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers!

How 'bout no, you crazy dutch bastard?

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament... My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon... luge lessons... In the spring, we'd make meat helmets... When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pret