Villager News

Villager news intro noises VILLAGER NEWS! (Tell us what to report)

Villager News: Villager #4: Breaking news! One of our citizens has been caught committing a terrible crime! Villager #9 is on the scene. Villager News: Villager #9: Thank you Villager #4. We have footage of the event from a camera mounted on that roof. Villager News: Random Villager: Hello. Villager News: Villager #9: We can see Villager #14 showing a complete and utter disrespect of our laws. Villager News: Villager #14: Looks at no littering sign then casually litters anyways. Villager News: Villager #9: This was quickly followed by a high speed chase captured by a news helicopter. Villager News: Villager #10: inside a helicopter that is made of multiple Villagers He’s running, he’s running, he’s still running, oh he in trouble now, the police are everywhere! Are you seeing this? Villager News: Random Villager: No, I’m a helicopter. Villager News: Villager #14: Steps on pressure plate while running from police. It released a missile. Villager News: Random Villager: Beep beep beep beep, Missile imbound! Villager News: Villager #10: What?? Villager News: 2 Random Villagers: Deploying flares, deploying flares. deploys flares which is actually just a lot of other random villagers. Villager News: The missile misses thanks to the flares, but the shock wave hits the helicopter and it goes down. Villager News: Villager #9: And that’s the last we saw of those villagers. Villager News: Villager #4: Thank you Villager #9, Villager #14 tried to leave the village, but the cops set up traps that proved too effect for Villager #14. Villager News: Villager #14 was sentenced to the pit of death! Villager News: Villagers are chanting Villager #14: This is madness! Villager News: Random Villager: No, THIS IS MINECRAFT! He kicks Villager #14 into the pit of death, and walks away. Villager News: The camera cuts to a bird eye view of the pit, revealing its only 2 blocks deep. Villager #14: This isn’t very effective…
Villager News: Villager #4: Well that’s all for today on Villager News, come back next time for more- He is interrupted by the outro. You: Do a story about a Villager riding a pig into heaven. Villager News: Villager #4: BREAKING NEWS! Villager #37 was seen ascending to the heavens upon a pig! Here is camera footage over the event. Villager News: Villager #37 gets onto a pig, then he and the pig start ascending, Villager #37 has a perfectly cut scream just before suddenly accelerating to the heavens. Villager News: Villager #4: This is yet another saddening loss among our citizens… Anyways I bring to you our lottery numbers! Villager News: They are, 1 3 2 21 132 and drawing of me with a stunning yet slightly understated mustache. Nobody gonna win it this time. Villager News: Villager #132: I won! I won again! Villager News: Villager #4: Security. Villager News: Security pushes Villager #132 out using a stick.