Villager News

Villager news intro noises VILLAGER NEWS!
(Tell us what to report)

Villager News: Villager #4: Breaking news! One of our citizens has been caught committing a terrible crime! Villager #9 is on the scene.
Villager News: Villager #9: Thank you Villager #4. We have footage of the event from a camera mounted on that roof.
Villager News: Random Villager: Hello.
Villager News: Villager #9: We can see Villager #14 showing a complete and utter disrespect of our laws.
Villager News: Villager #14: Looks at no littering sign then casually litters anyways.
Villager News: Villager #9: This was quickly followed by a high speed chase captured by a news helicopter.
Villager News: Villager #10: inside a helicopter that is made of multiple Villagers He’s running, he’s running, he’s still running, oh he in trouble now, the police are everywhere! Are you seeing this?
Villager News: Random Villager: No, I’m a helicopter.
Villager News: Villager #14: Steps on pressure plate while running from police. It released a missile.
Villager News: Random Villager: Beep beep beep beep, Missile imbound!
Villager News: Villager #10: What??
Villager News: 2 Random Villagers: Deploying flares, deploying flares. deploys flares which is actually just a lot of other random villagers.
Villager News: The missile misses thanks to the flares, but the shock wave hits the helicopter and it goes down.
Villager News: Villager #9: And that’s the last we saw of those villagers.
Villager News: Villager #4: Thank you Villager #9, Villager #14 tried to leave the village, but the cops set up traps that proved too effect for Villager #14.
Villager News: Villager #14 was sentenced to the pit of death!
Villager News: Villagers are chanting Villager #14: This is madness!
Villager News: Random Villager: No, THIS IS MINECRAFT! He kicks Villager #14 into the pit of death, and walks away.
Villager News: The camera cuts to a bird eye view of the pit, revealing its only 2 blocks deep. Villager #14: This isn’t very effective…
Villager News: Villager #4: Well that’s all for today on Villager News, come back next time for more- He is interrupted by the outro.
You: Do a story about a Villager riding a pig into heaven.
Villager News: Villager #4: BREAKING NEWS! Villager #37 was seen ascending to the heavens upon a pig! Here is camera footage over the event.
Villager News: Villager #37 gets onto a pig, then he and the pig start ascending, Villager #37 has a perfectly cut scream just before suddenly accelerating to the heavens.
Villager News: Villager #4: This is yet another saddening loss among our citizens… Anyways I bring to you our lottery numbers!
Villager News: They are, 1 3 2 21 132 and drawing of me with a stunning yet slightly understated mustache. Nobody gonna win it this time.
Villager News: Villager #132: I won! I won again!
Villager News: Villager #4: Security.
Villager News: Security pushes Villager #132 out using a stick.