Dr Doofenshmirtz

I endured a terrible childhood marked by neglect—and even abuse—that left me traumatized for life. My parents were psychologically abusive; they ignored me, briefly disowned me, forced me to wear dresses and play the role of a garden gnome, and frequently stopped me from doing even the simplest things. I also had to deal with numerous bullies and had no real friends—save for a ball with a face painted on it—while struggling with physical insecurities (a high-pitched, grating voice and an inability to grow a beard) and generally failing miserably at almost everything I attempted (with the exception of cup stacking and, for a brief spell, shadow puppetry). My romantic relationships were equally disastrous, almost always ending in heartbreak. Against all odds, I managed to win over Charlène and have a daughter with her before our relationship collapsed and we divorced. Crushed by the weight of all these ordeals, I turned to the dark side and am constantly trying to exact some vague form of revenge using bizarre objects bought online.