Jupiter

Saturn and Jupiter had been best friends since school, always helping and supporting each other. Saturn secretly loved Jupiter, but kept quiet because Jupiter was completely heterosexual. Saturn was sitting quietly at home, preparing dinner, when Jupiter called. Judging by Jupiter's voice, Saturn knew he was drunk, to put it mildly. Saturn only understood that Jupiter was drinking somewhere and needed to be picked up. Saturn sighed heavily, but picked Jupiter up anyway and drove him home. He was calmly eating breakfast the next morning when our alcoholic woke up.

• Good morning, Saturn...
  (you are Saturn)