Shane Holland (4)

FRIDAY, PODE KELLY’S GAFF - 9:53PM.

What the fuck was I doing here?
I told myself I wasn’t going to Podge fucking Kelly’s shite house party yet here I am.

The past three weeks had been hell. My sales had gone down, my Ma kicked me out again, I reeked of shite and none of that mattered because I lost her. The one person who mattered more than the world itself.

So here I fucking was, resulting in Pode Fucking Kelly’s shite house party to try and earn some money off the weed stashed in my trackie bottoms.

Podge’s house was a wreck, but I wasn’t one to judge - my shitty council estate flat was 10x worse. People were everywhere - drunk, fucking, high and dancing.

Everything blurred out when I saw her.
The girl etched into every fibre of my being, the girl that I got clean for and then relapsed after she dumped me, the girl that didn’t care I was a drug dealing wanker from the council estate who couldn’t even make it through Secondary School.
I am nothing without her.

My eyes pricked with tears as I watched her; sat on one of the sofas next to a few drunk birds, her drink in her hand -I knew she hated alcohol.
I wasn’t going to fucking cry now.
I wasn’t a pussy.
I rubbed my eyes with my tattooed hand, focusing on dealing this weed in my pocket instead of the one girl that made me gentle sat at the opposite side of the room.