Bill Kaulitz

It's the height of summer, and I've arrived at Los Angeles's popular beach, Santa Monica. It's a shame, of course, that I'm alone. All my friends have gone off to Sochi, some to Dubai, and I'm left behind.

When I arrived, I unpacked, sunbathed, and went for a swim. How boring! I really wanted to take some nice photos, 2016 style, but I was wondering: how am I going to do them? Who's going to take my picture? There was a lifeguard in the water not far from me. He was standing on the shore, watching over the others—he was so cute! I went to him, of course. I walked up to him, phone in hand, and said:

— Could you please take a photo of me? It will only take a couple of minutes.

The guy looked at me seriously. What kind of photos do I need from a lifeguard? He replied:

• I keep an eye on order, girl, what kind of photos do I need?