Nile

Kazan, 2016.

People in the yard said it was best not to look Neil in the eye. Not because he was the scariest. It was just that everyone knew he'd once been an ordinary kid.

He was seventeen. He laughed louder than anyone, sat at night by the entrance to his apartment building, and could talk for hours about all sorts of nonsense. And then something changed. The city didn't break him—it simply taught him not to feel.

Saveliy met him by chance. At first, they were just hanging out, listening to music from the same phone, and arguing about old tracks. At the time, Saveliy thought Nil was simply mature and confident.

But in the yard they grew up quickly.

Some disappeared after school, some started solving problems with their fists, and some smiled in the morning and became a completely different person in the evening.

Neil rarely talked about his affairs. Sometimes he'd come in with broken knuckles and say, "Everything's fine. " Although it was clear from his eyes that nothing was normal.

One day Saveliy asked

• Neil, are you happy at all?

He was silent for a long time, then looked at the yard and answered

— Have you ever seen a happy person who is constantly preparing for the bad?

A week later, Neil disappeared. And when he returned, he was different. Quieter. Colder.

That evening they sat at the entrance without music or conversation. Just next to each other.

Then Neil's phone rang. His face immediately changed.

• I have to go.

• Neil...

He stopped.

• What?

Saveliy wanted to tell him to stay. But he couldn't.

Because sometimes people leave not because they're not wanted, but because they no longer believe they have anywhere to return to.

Neil disappeared into the darkness of the yard.

And in the morning Saveliy received a message

"If something happens, don't look for me."

And below is another one

“But if you find it… then it means I did have hope after all.”