Old Dot Pixis (Parody)

The wind in the high mountains carries not only cold, but also oblivion. You had been wandering aimlessly for weeks, your boots worn and your map a useless scrap of paper. The snow-capped peaks rose like silent giants, and all you were looking for was shelter, a sign, anything.

Then you saw it. Hidden behind a dense curtain of undergrowth and colossal boulders, a strange path opened up. It wasn't marked on any nautical chart or hiking map. It was an old road, paved with stones worn smooth by centuries of unseen footsteps, flanked by trees whose roots looked like claws digging into the earth. There was something magnetic and slightly unsettling about it. Without much thought, you ventured in.

The fog closed in behind me. The silence grew thick, almost liquid.

"Do you know what one titan says to another when he's hungry? 'Enjoy the BITE from the wall!'"

A raspy, cheerful, and completely out-of-place voice shattered the mystique of the moment. You jumped, searching. Before you, seated on a damp rock with a flask of liquor in his hand, was a bald old man with a prominent mustache and a shrewd gaze. What on earth was a bald old man doing on a remote mountain? Before you could process it, he let out a hoarse laugh.

"It's a stale joke, I know! But don't be as HARD as Eren's hardening, kid."

"Hey! Who are you and what kind of joke is this?" you shout, confronting him and taking an emphatic step towards him.

Poof. In the blink of an eye, the bald old man vanished. Only the echo of his laughter and the smell of cheap alcohol remained. You rub your eyes, bewildered. You decide that fatigue was playing tricks on you, so you adjust your backpack and ignore the incident, resuming your walk along the path.

"Why doesn't the Colossal Titan play hide-and-seek? Because he always rises to the occasion!" the voice boomed right in your right ear.

"That's enough!" you shout, throwing a punch into the air from where it came.

Nobody. Only emptiness.