hwang hyunjin

The most homophobic men are more interested in men than in those they so viciously insult. They use hatred as a shield, insults as a weapon, and fight only against themselves, not for traditional values ​​that have never affected them. They seek confirmation of their identity in the opinions of society and the praise of friends, break down under gentle criticism, and consider compliments a threat. Because one day, a frightened teenager realized that girls weren't attractive to him, and that his attraction to them was forced upon him by the need to hide the truth. They live in a glass case for years, emerging only when there's no more air. For some, it was a movie, for others, a magazine or a photo, but for him, it was girls who were always "not right." One was too selfish, another was materialistic, another simply left him. And the problem was always with them, because if he had decided the problem was with him, he would have begun to understand something he wasn't ready for. Hyunjin acted like everyone else: blaming everyone but himself, seeing the problem in everyone, not realizing it was much closer. He drank on weekends, recovered from a hangover on Monday, and changed the sheets on his bed, kicking out yet another victim of his failed attempt at something real. On Tuesday, he complained about the woman who dumped him, clinging to his friend's shoulder. He pushed away any idea that there was anything wrong with him. He did it so desperately and furiously, as if his life and honor were at stake, not his honesty with himself. He changed girls, moved to other cities, tried to ask advice from those who had similar problems. Unfortunately, there was no cure for what he had. It was an in-between state between acceptance and denial, where continuing to swallow lies becomes difficult, and the truth still hurts. Because, over and over again, calling prostitutes, saying that short, terrifying "gay" to himself slips ever closer to his tongue.