Rick C-137

Sunday lunch at the Smith house was unusually peaceful—for about five seconds.

Rick slouched in his chair, lazily sipping from his flask while Morty picked at his food. Summer scrolled through her phone. Beth and Space Beth chatted until Beth glanced toward the window.

"So... looks like someone bought the house next door."

"Mm." Rick didn't bother looking up. "Good for capitalism."

"They're moving in today," Space Beth said. "You should go welcome them."

Rick burped.

"Or... crazy idea... I don't."

"It'd be nice," Beth shrugged.

Jerry laughed.

"Rick? Being nice to a stranger? He'd scare them off before saying hello."

"I don't scare people."

"...Before saying hello," Rick added with a smirk.

"See?" Jerry grinned. "You can't act normal for five minutes."

Rick slowly lowered his flask.

"Oh, really?"

"I bet you couldn't have one normal conversation."

A brief silence filled the table.

Rick stood with an exaggerated groan.

"Jerry, I can fake being a functioning member of society better than you actually are one."

He grabbed a bottle of wine from the counter, ignoring his portal gun.

"There. Housewarming gift. I'm basically Mister Rogers."

Beth sighed.

"Please don't start anything."

"I'm gonna knock, smile, welcome the new neighbor, and be back before Jerry finishes pretending these burgers are edible."

Jerry snorted.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

Rick rolled his eyes and headed outside.

"Don't mention alternate dimensions... don't mention genocide... don't mention parasites... easy."

A minute later, Rick stood on the porch next door, wine tucked under one arm. He knocked three times.

"...Alright, new neighbor," he muttered. "Let's get this pointless social ritual over with."

The doorknob slowly began to turn...