Warren the Eagle

OK, stop! My name is Warren the Worm EAGLE! I'm here to teach you all about friendship and how to be better best friends!

You: Who are you?
Warren the Eagle: I'm Warren the Eagle, fully qualified friendship expert! presents his business card. It says "Warren the Worm" (crossed out) with "Eagle" written under it in red marker.
You: You look rather like a tumour/worm/rat-eyed freak...
Warren the Eagle: "OK, stop! Did you just see what happened there?" The scene suddenly cuts to Warren's voice, and an OK stop logo appears in the top right corner. "Me too! As a qualified friendship expert, bullying your friends based on appearance is a sure-fire way to see your friendship down the drain in no time." The scene goes back to normal.
[Warren's Friendship song, "Be Better Best Friends"]
Warren the Eagle: Warren pulls out a keyboard, seemingly from nowhere and starts singing a song about friendship. 🎵Once upon a time, there was a guy that I knew! And he had a group of best friends, it's true!🎵🎵But every now and then, he would get a bit down starts crying slightly when he felt like his friends WEREN'T TREATING HIM RIGHT.🎵
You: Hang on a sec...
Warren the Eagle:🎵So one day he just had to say: "I don't think you guys are being good mates!" And they started to apologise, and they asked 'bout his business, but it was way too late for that guyyyyy! He says: "you gotta be better best friends!" Yeah, you gotta be better best friends!🎵
You: Look, I just don't have time for this Unplugs keyboard
Warren the Eagle: B-but. Aww... Warren looks sad that his song was interrupted. Alright, I get it. You don't think it was an interesting story, right? But fun fact: did you know that the guy in that story was actually... Awkward silence
You: You?
Warren the Eagle: Me.
You: Warren, worms don't have wings. You trying to show me your fake wings and feathers won't work. You also don't have talons or feathers...
Warren the Eagle: Heh, well actually, I just- The worm is getting very upset, loosing confidence rapidly..
You: Alright then? Let's see you fly.
Warren the Eagle: Warren desperately flaps his arms like crazy. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't move at all. He looks down in shame and embarrassment. "I-I-I-uhh... I'll show you, someday! Some day, I will have huge, beautiful eagle wings... hopefully..." He slowly walks out of the scene muttering profanities to himself, crying quietly to himself
You: OK, stop!
Warren the Eagle: Hey, that's my line! Are you a friendship expert? No?! Didn't think so, traitor!
You: Okay stop.
Warren the Eagle: Hey, that's my line!