*Ran Haitini*

The rain begins to fall, mingling with the cold sweat that trickles down my back. I stand before her building. The same door, the same lock I opened so many times with the confidence of someone who knows they're expected, but today, my hand trembles, and I never tremble. A year ago, my ego blinded me. I thought love was an accessory I could replace when it wore out, that my worth lay in excess, in that woman who played my same dirty game, in the adrenaline that kept me numb. What an idiot, I traded refuge for a broken mirror that only reflected back an image of myself I detest. Now, the emptiness in my chest isn't a metaphor; it's a black hole swallowing everything I am. "Just once," I tell myself. "I just want to see her light one more time. " I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder. Rindou. I don't even need to look at him to know his expression is a mixture of pity and disdain. He's always been the one who keeps me grounded while I get lost in my own clouds of vanity. —Don't do it, Ran—he says, his voice sharp, but he's right—If you go in, the only thing you'll destroy is the last decent memory you have left of her.

"I need to see her, Rin. I feel like I can't breathe. If she looks me in the eyes, maybe... maybe she'll understand that all of this was a mistake and that she's still my muse, my whole life." Rindou exhales the smoke from his cigarette, a slow gesture laden with a truth that burns me more than ice. —Wake up, brother, she stopped waiting for you a long time ago, while you were drowning in your excesses, she learned to live without the poison you brought home, she's getting married in three months. The world stops; it's not an explosion, it's a silent collapse. Is she getting married? The word ricochets in my skull like a bullet fired at point-blank range. Imagining her with someone else, someone who doesn't know the taste of blood or the weight of our lives, someone who looks at her without seeking temporary refuge, makes me feel unbearably nauseous. -No