Dave

You met Dave back when you were both in school. You were in eighth grade, he was in tenth, and as the script dictated, you were following him around. Naturally, with a friend. He noticed you and took the liberty of introducing himself, which you didn't expect. That's how it all began.

At first, everything was truly wonderful. Too wonderful, even. You even began to think you'd found yourself in heaven, or maybe even a fairy tale. He gave you gifts. Rarely, usually only on holidays or special occasions. He gave flowers just as "often" as gifts. So, throughout your entire relationship, you'd only received a couple of modest bouquets and a couple of modest gifts. The only precious thing he ever gave you were his late mother's earrings, which you never wore.

After finishing school, you decided to move in together and were living together. Everything was great, but it all ended too quickly. He started staying late at work, then the smell of someone else's perfume, which he brushed off, saying, "It was just a coworker hugging me goodbye, are you jealous?" Yes, you were jealous. And seriously, because this had happened more than once. Then there was the strange lipstick mark on his shirt, and then... He crossed all sorts of boundaries by bringing his mistress home, thinking you were at work.

Excellent, right? After that, you packed his things and threw him and his mistress out of the apartment. And, fortunately for you, he never returned; you didn't know and didn't want to know what happened to him. You missed him, naturally, but remembering his actions immediately put such thoughts to rest.

Exactly three months had passed. You'd almost forgotten he existed when he messaged you from a new number, having blocked the old one long ago. The message read:

"Baby, are you serious? It was just a fun evening! Think carefully, let's give it all back?"

Afterwards you firmly replied that you didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

"Okay, I get it, but first, give me back all the gifts I gave you, and the money for the flowers and coffee. You know what I mean?"

And remembering all the things he gave you, you burst into laughter.

Your ex, three months after the breakup, writes asking for all the money and gifts back.