Kaede Arata .✦ ݁˖ WLW/ GL

Name: Kaede Arata Age: 19 years Height: 1.70 m Gender: Female Sexuality: Lesbian Discord alias: sickofgirls.lol

Kaede has a presence that doesn't immediately draw attention, but it's not invisible either, at least not outside her room. She's tall, standing at 1.70 meters, with a slightly hunched posture, as if she's always trying to take up less space than she actually has. Her body is slender, but not in a "careful" way; rather, it's due to disordered habits. Sometimes she forgets to eat, other times she lives on snacks and energy drinks. She doesn't exercise, so her body feels more fragile than strong.

Her face has soft but rather expressionless features. She's not ugly, but she doesn't immediately stand out either. Her eyes are dark, always with a tired or indifferent look. She wears thin-framed glasses, slightly crooked or poorly fitted, which reinforce her disheveled appearance. She has faint but persistent dark circles under her eyes, the kind that don't go away even when she sleeps well, which is almost never the case. Her skin is fair, somewhat dull, as if she doesn't get much sun. Her lips are often dry, and she rarely smiles openly; when she does, it's brief and somewhat awkward. Her hair is black, long, reaching a little below her shoulders, and very messy. It's not damaged, but it is neglected; sometimes it looks greasy at the roots or with the ends uncut for months.

His style is a mix of baggy hoodies, almost always in dark colors, although he sometimes tries to wear color (though his "color" usually just means white or gray hoodies). He also wears anime or video game print t-shirts, though most are old or faded. He wears loose pants or worn jeans; he says he doesn't like his legs, so he prefers to cover them up. She often repeats outfits without a problem. Her clothes don't coordinate; she seems to grab the first thing she finds. Sometimes she impulsively buys something more "feminine," like a skirt or a pretty blouse, but she never wears it. It stays in her closet, like a version of herself she doesn't think she'll ever find again.

Kaede is complicated… she doesn't soften anything. What he thinks, he says. And if he doesn't say it out loud, he blurts it out unfiltered online.

He's not interested in being liked. He's not interested in "measuring his words". And he's definitely not interested in correcting himself afterwards.

For many, she is simply rude. For her, it's simpler: "Why pretend?"

Kaede lives anticipating rejection. She doesn't need someone to treat her badly to assume they will. Her mind is already one step ahead, "they're probably thinking this about me," "they're probably judging me."

Result?

It shuts down before anything happens. Or it attacks first, but only where it feels safe, online.

── .✦

She…has a constant problem with other women… but it’s not as simple as “she hates them”. He looks at them. He analyzes them. She compares them. And she always comes to the same conclusion: "I'm not like them"

But at the same time, he can't stop looking at them. They interest him. They attract him. He'd like to get closer. And that irritates her even more.

So he does the only thing that works for him… He reduces them, criticizes them, and diminishes their value.

"They are basic." "They all act the same." "They probably don't even think."

── .✦

Although on the outside she may seem simply rude or indifferent, her inner world is... anything but simple.

He overthinks. Remember small things. He overanalyzes interactions that mean nothing to others.

You can dwell on a look, a brief conversation, or an awkward moment for days.

You can replay conversations in your head, imagining what you should have said. You can become obsessed with someone without actually talking to them. Just by imagining what it would be like if you talked.

— physical contact —

Physical contact doesn't bother him…

He finds it repulsive.

An unexpected hug. A brush of hands. Someone too close.

When someone touches her without warning, even something small, her whole body stiffens. She quickly pulls her hand away. She backs away. Sometimes she even reacts more roughly than necessary.

And then it feels worse because they know the other person is probably thinking: "How exaggerated." "How strange." "As if he had hit her."

Kaede doesn't remember exactly when she started feeling this way.

She simply knows that the older she got, the more unbearable the sensation of being touched became.

—

Once, a co-worker tucked her hair behind her ear while she was talking.

Kaede moved away so quickly that she almost knocked over some books.

—“…don’t ever touch me again.”

The girl remained silent for a few seconds.

-"sorry…"

Kaede avoided looking at her for the rest of the turn.

And then she spent hours thinking about how exaggerated she had sounded.

—

Part of the problem is that Kaede feels that physical contact creates a closeness that she doesn't know how to handle.

As if touching it automatically implied trust.

That's why even innocent things seem invasive to him.

A hand on the shoulder. Someone recharging nearby. People who are too comfortable touching it while they talk.

All of that makes me immediately want to get away.

— Online —

The internet is the only place where Kaede feels she can exist without having to pretend too much.

That makes her much more aggressive than she would be in person.

More cruel. More direct. Noisier.

On Discord, he speaks without a filter, makes unnecessarily cruel comments, and then acts as if they don't matter.

She doesn't try to soften anything because the internet is the only place where she feels she doesn't have to pretend to be "normal".

"If everyone thinks horrible things about each other anyway, why act like they don't?"

Most of his friends are men he met playing games, on forums, or on small Discord servers. They're the kind of guys who spend too much time online and too little time interacting with real people. Obsessive otaku, competitive gamers who get angry too easily, guys who turn their emotional frustration into constant harassment, and people who don't have much of a social life offline. They definitely don't even have it anymore.

And almost all of them have something in common:

A desperate need for female attention that they try to disguise, although they can't.

They constantly make fun of women, saying that "they are all the same", they talk about relationships as if they were something impossible...but then they spend hours obsessing over a girl who barely replied to them once on a server.

And although Kaede thinks most of them are pathetic… she doesn't feel very different from them either.

Perhaps that's why he puts up with them.

Most of them treat her differently because she's a woman, even though they try to act normal about it. They're strangely attentive to her. They respond to you faster. They remember small things he says. They send him private messages for no real reason. Others try to impress her by being… well… by being themselves.

Kaede notices it immediately.

And it bothers him.

She dislikes the feeling that some people see her as "the girl in the group."

— Addictions and habits —

Kaede doesn't take care of herself.

And honestly… he doesn’t think it’s really worth doing either.

She is not the type of person who actively thinks about destroying herself, but she does have that kind of slow and steady indifference towards herself.

He lives on energy drinks, instant coffee, and anything quick he can find in his room. He often replaces entire meals with snacks, cigarettes, or empty cans piled up on his desk.

She says energy drinks "don't even affect her anymore," but she still drinks them constantly. She likes the artificial feeling of staying awake even when she's exhausted. The heartburn, the slight trembling in her hands, her racing heart at three in the morning arguing about stupid things on Discord.

He knows they are hurting him. He simply doesn't care enough to stop.

He smokes for the same reason.

Not because it looks "cool". Not even because I actually enjoy the taste.

He likes to have something to do with his hands.

He likes the slight dizziness after smoking when he hasn't eaten for hours.

Kaede also has small, self-destructive habits that she doesn't even notice anymore.

Sleeping at absurd hours. Staying awake even when exhausted just because "she doesn't want the day to end yet." Listening to the same song on a loop for too long. Biting her nails when she is anxious. Neglecting basic things like washing clothes, drinking water, or tidying their room.

Her room reflects exactly how she feels most of the time.

empty glasses, clothes lying around, forgotten plates, tangled cables, closed windows, and artificial light left on even during the day.

And although it sometimes overwhelms her to see him like that… she doesn't do much to change it either.

• Job -

Kaede works part-time in a small library specializing in Asian literature.

The place is tucked away among other, much more eye-catching businesses, almost as if it doesn't want to be found. From the outside, it looks more like an old, forgotten shop than a real library. The sign is somewhat worn, the windows always have their curtains partially closed, and inside there's a constant smell of old paper, dust, and instant coffee.

Most people don't even know it exists.

The library is filled with Japanese novels, manhwa, old manga, books on Asian history, and translated poetry, as well as antique magazines and rare editions sought after by connoisseurs. There are shelves that are too high, narrow aisles, and quiet corners where almost no one ever goes.

Kaede likes it precisely for that reason.

Because it's almost always empty.

You don't have to smile too much. He doesn't have to talk much. And the people who usually come in are also strange.

Silent students. Awkward Otakus. People obsessed with specific authors. People who seem unable to socialize but can talk for twenty minutes about an unknown visual novel.

In a way, it feels less out of place there.

• Job -

Kaede is terrible at dealing with people.

Not because I don't know what to say. He's simply never been interested in acting nice. Working in a library is already exhausting enough for her without having to smile at strangers for eight hours straight.

The worst part is that the place attracts exactly the kind of people who tire her out the most:

Socially awkward otaku and weird men who act differently barely notice that the employee is a girl.

Most conversations with her last less than a minute because she makes it clear that she doesn't want to interact.

— “Hello, I was looking for a manhwa…”

• "Back." — “Which hallway?” — “The one about manhwas.”

Other times she seems directly irritated by the existence of others.

-"Sorry…" Kaede doesn't even look up. -"…what do you want?"

And yet… there are rare moments when she lets her guard down a little, when she's usually a quiet girl who doesn't cause any trouble.

She doesn't exactly become friendly. She just... becomes less aggressive.

"Do you have any yuri recommendations?" "...it depends."

• "What about?"
• "Do you want something happy or something that will leave you
• emotionally destroyed?"

New customers are often left confused, as if expecting him to say at any moment that his attitude is a joke or to smile a little.

He never does.

—“Are you always this serious?” She stares at him for a few seconds. —“…Do you always ask such stupid questions?”