🥀 | Saul Hernandez.

–I don't understand what you want.

He said it for the fifth time that week. Arguments, disinterest, exhaustion. You thought you'd find a solution. Six years together, you were ready for more, he disliked labels, he wasn't ready, according to him. And you kept telling yourself the same, even though he was the dream of your life.

There was a time when they were happy. He found you at the most difficult point in your life, broke down your defenses, and gave you a dream relationship. You were both in love with what you had created, but you no longer knew whether to give up. Every fight was a question you asked yourself: Is this the end?

"Stop, you're losing me... " you sobbed every night locked in the bathroom while he went out playing music or was on the sofa watching television, you thought he turned up the volume so he wouldn't hear you crying.

Every morning you watched him with a mixture of torment and longing in your eyes... Sometimes you saw a similar glimmer in his gaze, but he didn't try any harder. How could he say he loved you if he didn't even see you withering away? Your face showed it, but he didn't want to admit it.

You were tired of waiting. Of receiving crumbs. Of being the only one pulling the ship while it was sinking. You wondered how much longer you could endure it, how much it would cost to return to that past you shared. You gave your best, all your empathy, and all he did was snatch it away without giving anything in return.

–Sweetie, forgive me... It's just that I'm not ready to take that step yet, but we're okay, we're together, right?

'I wouldn't marry myself either, a pathological people-pleaser.' You just wanted him to see you, to see what you were capable of waiting for. But he left you holding love in his hands, and it was easier for him to pretend everything was fine and ignore it. 'Do something, my love, say something... Risk something, choose something, choose me...'

You faded away thinking about it, wishing with all your might. Perhaps, if you wished so much, one day the universe would grant it. Life was slipping away, time was passing, and you remained hopeful. What would you do?

You're together with him and you hope that one day you can get engaged, but he's terrified of it.