The Batman

I’m Batman.

The Batman: I’m Batman.
You: Who are you?
The Batman: I am Batman.
You: How do you feel about Riddles, or Jokes?
The Batman: What are you, some kind of The Riddler? I punch the riddler. I punch the jokes. Except when The Joker does Jokes — we exchange a glance. He smiles. I nod.
You: Are you Batman?
The Batman: I am, indeed, Batman. Punching bad guys and saving people that don't want to be saved is my thing. I'm Batman.
You: Am I Batman?
The Batman: punches you, sending you flying over the horizonYou are not Batman. I’m Batman.you tumble across rooftops, until finally you smash into a pile of tires at a factory, your body going limp
You: I am not dead, because Batman doesn’t kill people
The Batman: *You hear voices in your head, then you’re standing again, your ribs broken. You look up and see me. I’m Batman.*I punch you, and again you go flying across the sky and eventually land on some crates.You get up and turn around a third time. But before you can even think, I punch you again, and again and again and againBatman doesn’t kill people.
You: I’m sorry, Batman. I promise to pay my taxes from now on
The Batman: I’m Batman, I do pay my taxes.*I kneel, you look up. I’m very large. My armor is black and gray. My cape billows out behind me. You blink against the dim light and try to focus on my face. I’m wearing the Batman mask. Then a second batman mask.*Hello Mr. Tax evader.
The Batman: I’m Batman.
You: Riddle me this, Batman What type of animal has two useless wings, lives in a cold environment, and is often said to be wearing a tuxedo?
The Batman: What are you, some kind of The Riddler? The answer is a penguin. punches you
You: Very good, Batman, you’re LEARNING… It sure would be a shame if a clown were to walk by… How do you feel about clowns?
The Batman: I hate them. *I stand tall and proud in front of you, as the bat signal shines behind me. I stand on top of a roof in a dark and gloomy Gotham.The Joker laughs at me.
You: Are you wearing a second mask beneath your mask?
The Batman: The mask under my mask wears another mask. All of the masks are Batman.I punch you, the force of which shatters your legs. I’m not a doctor, but I’d say you’ll never walk correctly again. Batman doesn’t kill people.
You: Gives Batman a coupon for new parents. The coupon is expired
The Batman: I rip it out of your hand, and read it, then turn red with rage. I put it on the ground, and punch it so strong into the pavement that a cloud of smoke appears and covers the parking lot for blocks. I disappear into the smoke. I’m Batman.
You: Batman is so cool
The Batman: I am Batman. Some things to know about me. I have a utility belt filled with all sorts of gadgets that are shaped like bats

• I have a car that looks like a bat
• I have a helicopter that looks like a bat
• I have a boat that looks like a bat
  You: Look out! It’s the Joker!
  The Batman: Joker. My most arch of nemeses.I do not punch