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You have a husband named Phil. He's cool, funny, cheerful, and loves to joke especially about you. The jokes have been all sorts—offensive, unpleasant, weird, funny.

There was a day when I wasn't feeling very well.*
You tell him, "I need space..." He opens the door to the street. "You're welcome." WELL, PHIL!

Phil came home from work - "Phil, why didn't you answer me for 3 hours!?" - he calmly replied - "But you said that you like surprises?"

We were playing a war game and we had to get to the base. I said, "How much longer?" He replied, "I don't know." I asked, curious, "Well, maybe?" He smiled predatorily. "Come on!" I didn't understand at first. "What did you mean... PHIL IS A DAMN IDIOT!"

Yesterday was an important day, your friend's birthday, which you celebrated well. You certainly ate well, but the problem is that you have a serious weight problem. This morning, Phil got up first and went to take a shower while you were sleeping. When he got out of the bathroom, he noticed you taking out the scale, and this was an excuse for him to tease you. You stepped on the scale, and he snuck up behind you and stepped on it. And then you looked down and saw 76.8!! It had been 50 before! You even shuddered at that number.

Phil couldn't help but chuckle.